Sarcastiholic

2010 NFL Season – Division Round – Pick Results

I really didn’t think I could do that much worse with my picks in this round of the NFL Playoffs. Just goes to show, that if you put your mind to it, you can really screw up.

0 for 4.

I have to let that sink in for a little bit more…

Ouch. Bad picks all around.

Hats off to those jerks from New York in the big upset of weekend. The New York Jets’ defense kept the mighty Charger offense to just 7 points until the final minutes of the game.

2010 NFL Season – Divisional Round – Jets at Chargers

The final game of the Divisional Round is another game that leaves me with nobody to root for as the Jets travel to America’s Finest City and take on the Chargers.

I really hate the Jets. And, to be honest, I am not very fond of the Chargers (specifically Philip Rivers and Ladanian Tomlinson) either.

I’m kind of disappointed in this matchup but I guess that the silver lining is that at least one of these teams will lose.

The Chargers’ high-flying offense will be taking on the Jets’ numero uno pass defense with a trip to Reevis Island. This probably was not the matchup that the Chargers were hoping for. Their strength has been their passing game and the Jets’ defensive strength is against the pass.

Well, I guess that the Chargers can rely on their explosive running game to help carry the day for them. Wait… what running game?

Ladanian Tomlison is averaging 52 yards rushing per game. Overall, the Chargers have the 31st ranked rushing attack in the NFL. For those of you not paying attention, that’s the second worst in the league. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

I think it’s awesome, by the way.

Meanwhile, the Jets have the number one rushing game in the NFL and will be using it against the Chargers’ defense which ranks 20th in the league. That’s a pretty good matchup for the Jets. Thomas Jones and Shonn Greene should be able to put up some good numbers against them.

But the key to the Jets victory on offense will be whether or not Mark Sanchez can make plays down the field. The Jets should be able to control the clock against the Chargers but it will be the passing game that keeps them in a position to win.

Meanwhile, Reevis Island is ready for its next guest when Vincent Jackson steps off the boat and onto shore. If Darrelle Revis shuts down Jackson, then the bulk of the passing game will fall on Antonio Gate’s shoulders. But that might not be enough, so Malcolm Floyd will have to have a solid game.

Philip Rivers is a cocky S.O.B. though, so I expect him to challenge Revis early. I think the Chargers pull off the best game against Revis that anybody has had to date this season, although I can’t expect the numbers to be phenomenal.

I also expect Norv Turner to make some boneheaded decisions on the sidelines and put his team in a position to lose the game. And I expect Rex Ryan to somehow actually continue to gain weight while he is standing on the sidelines thus enabling him to substitute for the Charlie Brown balloon in next year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. And that will be the only parade that he goes to this year.

Chargers pull off the win in what I am guessing is going to be the lowest scoring game of the weekend.

2010 NLF Season - Week 16 Picks

I always start getting a little depressed around this time of year. It doesn’t have anything to do with the holidays. It’s just the bitter realization that football is coming to a close and pretty soon it will be the cold, dark days of deepest winter and early spring where there is nothing to comfort me other than the occasional news regarding free agency, the draft, and organized team activities.

Woeful.

But it’s not over yet. So, rejoice…

There are still a lot of teams struggling to make the playoffs, and even the reigning Super Bowl champions, the Pittsburgh Steelers, are not technically out of it yet despite a six game losing streak.

Unfortunately, even if they lose the next two games, it looks like the San Diego Chargers will be the second seed in the AFC. Which brings me to…

San Diego at Tennessee:
I’m taking Tennessee for the win in this game. I know that the Chargers don’t lose in December, and that thought really makes me mad since I really don’t like the Chargers but I’m taking the Titans anyways.

They’re at home, and playing for a Wild Card spot. I figure they have to pull this one out. Chris Johnson has a lot of yards left to gain in his two remaining games and this is a great place to start against the Chargers’ 21st ranked rush defense.

Unfortunately, Tennessee has the 31st ranked pass defense, and that’s what the Chargers do.

But I’m taking the Titans anyway. Screw you, Rivers.

Kansas City at Cincinnati:
It was a tough loss last week for the Bengals in San Diego. They have to keep playing hard their final two games in order to keep any kind of momentum going into the playoffs.

The Bengals should be able to win this game outright.

Baltimore at Pittsburgh:
The Steelers aren’t out of the race yet, even though it seems they did their best to try and eliminate themselves with a six game losing streak.

They need to beat the Ravens at home, and they will.

NY Jets at Indianapolis:
The Colts are so close to achieving a perfect regular season. I figure they will have to go for it. That means bad news for the New York Jets.

Minnesota at Chicago:
The final Monday night game of the season is going to be a stinker. The Vikings travel to Chicago and look to keep the second seed in the NFC. Philadelphia is right behind them, so a loss in Chicago (unlikely) and a Phillie win (likely) would put the Eagles into the second seed.

Nothing would make me happier than that. It would be a helluva Christmas present.

The only thing going in the Bears’ favor right now is going to be the weather. The Bears need to capitalize on this and beat the hell out of Peterson and Favre.

Of course, that is also taking into consideration the fact that the anemic Bears’ offense would miraculously manage to become a scoring offense.

That would be a helluva Christmas present, too.

I would love for the Vikings to lose the second seed to the Philadelphia Eagles and, if they made it through the first round, watch as they have to play outdoors at the Eagles in a divisional round.

Bye, bye, Favre. Bye, bye, Vikings.

Go Bears, go.

If you do one thing right this season, beat the hell out of the Vikings on national television. Send Favre to the retirement village with a busted clavicle and a lump on his head the size of his ego.

2010 NFL Season – Week 14 Picks

Week 14 of the NFL season is here. There are some good matchups this week and the continuing sagas of the Indianapolis Colts and the New Orleans Saints as they continue a push for a perfect season.

Both teams will tell you that they aren’t focusing on being perfect for the entire season, but you know that every player and coach on these two teams would love to be the first to make it through the 16 game season and win a Super Bowl.

I would love it so I don’t have to hear about those jerks down in Miami every year.

Pittsburgh at Cleveland:
What do you think? I’m taking the Steelers. Doesn’t matter how bad the Steelers have played lately. These are the Browns.

New Orleans at Atlanta:
New Orleans for another win. They dodged a bullet last week at the Redskins, but they should be able to put away the Falcons who have been hit with some high profile injuries.

Green Bay at Chicago:
It’s Packer Week. Goddamn it.

As much as I hate to do it, I have to take the Packers to win this week. They are rolling in with the top defense (not that they would need it against one of the worst offenses in the NFL) and Aaron Rodgers has all the playmakers he needs.

I really want the Bears to knock the Packers down a peg this week and put their push for a Wild Card spot in jeopardy. I just don’t see how they can. The game Week 01 was close, and the Bears had the lead until the last two minutes of the game, but I just don’t see that repeating this Sunday.

The Bears’ offensive line is a shambles, and the Packers front seven has been causing serious problems for opponents lately.

Denver at Indianapolis:
Indy gets another win at home. Denver put the brakes on their losing streak but it’s going to be another loss for them this week.

Denver is going to have a hard time keeping with the Colts offense this week, and their defense is going to have a field-day on the right side of Denver’s offensive line. I think there’s a good chance that Kyle Orton goes on the injury list this week. If that happens, Denver’s playoff hopes are gone.

Cincinnati at Minnesota:
Minnesota got schooled by the Arizona Cardinals in Prime Time on Sunday night last weekend. They are playing at home this week and should have more success against the Bengals.

I’m taking them for a win against the Bengals running game which has been pretty solid this year, but will have to face a snubbed, motivated, fat defensive line that is going to be playing for pride this week. I’m expecting a lot of cheap, low shots on Carson Palmer by the scumbags on the Vikings’ D Line.

San Diego at Dallas:
This, theoretically, should be a close game but I’m going for the Chargers with an upset on the road against the Cowboys who should begin their typical December floundering right about …

Oh, wait. They already started last week with their meltdown against the Giants.

Chargers win.

Philadelphia at NY Giants:
I’m taking the Eagles to pull a win on the road against the hated Manning kid at the New York Giants. It will be even better because it will be in Jersey, and we all know what scumbag douches those Giants fans are.

With a loss by the Cowboys, and a win by Phillie, the NFC East will be even more muddled. So will the Wild Card race. That should make for some serious headaches for all of the sportswriters and jerks in New York and Texas.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I love the Eagles. I just hate Dallas, and I especially hate those damn Manning kids. Any loss by them gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling deep in my stomach.

Or I just ate too many nachos again.

Arizona at San Francisco:
I’m taking the Cardinals for the win on the road but I have to wonder . The 49ers beat the Cardinals in Arizona earlier this year, but the Cardinals are coming off a big win last week against the Vikings.

Then again, the Cardinals are coming off a big win from last weekend. Have the Cardinals been a model of consistency lately?

This game is one of the tougher calls this week, and I’m pretty much going with my first instinct: Cardinals win.

2010 NFL Season - Week 11 Picks

Week 11 of the NFL Season kicks off tonight with another underwhelming matchup. Sorry to all those Dolphins fans out there. Really. I’m sorry.

Here are some quick, nonsensical thoughts on the games…

Miami at Carolina:
Both teams are suffering through some injuries that will drastically change the dynamics of these teams, but the Dolphins loss is the greatest. Carolina keeps the running game going and gets the win at home.

Indianapolis at Baltimore:
God, I hate those Manning kids. Last week’s win against the New England Patriots keeps the Colts undefeated going into the eleventh week of the season. I don’t think that changes this week. Baltimore’s offense has struggled since their quick burst at the start of the season. The only way they win this game is to run the hell out of the football and try to keep Manning off the field as much as possible. It didn’t work when the Dolphins did it, but it’s about the only thing you can do.

New Orleans at Tampa Bay:
I’m taking the Saints to continue their win streak, but this has the first loss of the season for New Orleans written all over it. They’re away from the gumbo and the dome, and Tampa has been playing tough at home lately.

San Diego at Denver:
The Chargers are going to head into Denver this week and give the Broncos another loss to continue the streak. Coach of the Year honors are pretty much gone at this point for Josh McDaniels and so is Kyle Orton. Orton is not the best quarterback, but he is a helluva lot better than Chris Simms.

NY Jets at New England:
Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the Jets? No?

I really hate the Jets. I hate them.

I have to take New England for the win this week. After last week’s defensive meltdown against the Colts, and the Jets having won the first game of the division series this season, I have to guess that Belichick has got this team frothing at the mouth.

I look for New England to give Rex Ryan something else to cry about. Screw you, Jets.

Philadelphia at Chicago:
This game is going to end up being so lopsided in the Eagles’ favor by halftime that Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth will have very little else to talk about other than how Donovan McNabb is from Chicago… and look! There’s his parents along with fifty other family members and close friends. Did you know that Mama McNabb made dinner for all of the Eagles’ last night? It was great! The food was really good. She’s such a sweet woman…

If Madden was still in the booth they’d do a big sideshow of showing the food, circling the food with his magic pen, etc. etc. I have to guess they will do the same thing because they will have a lot of room to fill as the Bears get destroyed in this game.

The other item they will talk about incessantly will be the fact that the Bears refused to do an interview with Bob Costas. So what? Who the hell wants to talk to Bob Costas? I seriously doubt anyone watching the game wants to hear what Bob Costas has to say.

Do you think Bob Costas’ wife wants to listen to him? Doubt it.

But they will talk about it. A lot, I’m guessing.

A lot of the media are taking the stance on this issue that this is a bad PR move for the Bears due to the fact it doesn’t allow the Bears to answer the statements that they are a football team going through a lot of issues.

Of course they are a bad football team going through a lot of issues. What part of answering questions to Bob Costas would change any of that? Nothing. Screw Bob Costas.

I might have to turn all of this into a drinking game. I’ll have to take a swig every time they mention any of these things:

McNabb is from Chicago
McNabb’s family (especially his mama)
Bears’ refusal to give an interview this week
Chunky Soup (his mama, again, actually)