Sarcastiholic

2010 NFL Season – Divisional Round – Jets at Chargers

The final game of the Divisional Round is another game that leaves me with nobody to root for as the Jets travel to America’s Finest City and take on the Chargers.

I really hate the Jets. And, to be honest, I am not very fond of the Chargers (specifically Philip Rivers and Ladanian Tomlinson) either.

I’m kind of disappointed in this matchup but I guess that the silver lining is that at least one of these teams will lose.

The Chargers’ high-flying offense will be taking on the Jets’ numero uno pass defense with a trip to Reevis Island. This probably was not the matchup that the Chargers were hoping for. Their strength has been their passing game and the Jets’ defensive strength is against the pass.

Well, I guess that the Chargers can rely on their explosive running game to help carry the day for them. Wait… what running game?

Ladanian Tomlison is averaging 52 yards rushing per game. Overall, the Chargers have the 31st ranked rushing attack in the NFL. For those of you not paying attention, that’s the second worst in the league. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

I think it’s awesome, by the way.

Meanwhile, the Jets have the number one rushing game in the NFL and will be using it against the Chargers’ defense which ranks 20th in the league. That’s a pretty good matchup for the Jets. Thomas Jones and Shonn Greene should be able to put up some good numbers against them.

But the key to the Jets victory on offense will be whether or not Mark Sanchez can make plays down the field. The Jets should be able to control the clock against the Chargers but it will be the passing game that keeps them in a position to win.

Meanwhile, Reevis Island is ready for its next guest when Vincent Jackson steps off the boat and onto shore. If Darrelle Revis shuts down Jackson, then the bulk of the passing game will fall on Antonio Gate’s shoulders. But that might not be enough, so Malcolm Floyd will have to have a solid game.

Philip Rivers is a cocky S.O.B. though, so I expect him to challenge Revis early. I think the Chargers pull off the best game against Revis that anybody has had to date this season, although I can’t expect the numbers to be phenomenal.

I also expect Norv Turner to make some boneheaded decisions on the sidelines and put his team in a position to lose the game. And I expect Rex Ryan to somehow actually continue to gain weight while he is standing on the sidelines thus enabling him to substitute for the Charlie Brown balloon in next year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. And that will be the only parade that he goes to this year.

Chargers pull off the win in what I am guessing is going to be the lowest scoring game of the weekend.

2010 NFL Season - Week 11 Picks

Week 11 of the NFL Season kicks off tonight with another underwhelming matchup. Sorry to all those Dolphins fans out there. Really. I’m sorry.

Here are some quick, nonsensical thoughts on the games…

Miami at Carolina:
Both teams are suffering through some injuries that will drastically change the dynamics of these teams, but the Dolphins loss is the greatest. Carolina keeps the running game going and gets the win at home.

Indianapolis at Baltimore:
God, I hate those Manning kids. Last week’s win against the New England Patriots keeps the Colts undefeated going into the eleventh week of the season. I don’t think that changes this week. Baltimore’s offense has struggled since their quick burst at the start of the season. The only way they win this game is to run the hell out of the football and try to keep Manning off the field as much as possible. It didn’t work when the Dolphins did it, but it’s about the only thing you can do.

New Orleans at Tampa Bay:
I’m taking the Saints to continue their win streak, but this has the first loss of the season for New Orleans written all over it. They’re away from the gumbo and the dome, and Tampa has been playing tough at home lately.

San Diego at Denver:
The Chargers are going to head into Denver this week and give the Broncos another loss to continue the streak. Coach of the Year honors are pretty much gone at this point for Josh McDaniels and so is Kyle Orton. Orton is not the best quarterback, but he is a helluva lot better than Chris Simms.

NY Jets at New England:
Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the Jets? No?

I really hate the Jets. I hate them.

I have to take New England for the win this week. After last week’s defensive meltdown against the Colts, and the Jets having won the first game of the division series this season, I have to guess that Belichick has got this team frothing at the mouth.

I look for New England to give Rex Ryan something else to cry about. Screw you, Jets.

Philadelphia at Chicago:
This game is going to end up being so lopsided in the Eagles’ favor by halftime that Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth will have very little else to talk about other than how Donovan McNabb is from Chicago… and look! There’s his parents along with fifty other family members and close friends. Did you know that Mama McNabb made dinner for all of the Eagles’ last night? It was great! The food was really good. She’s such a sweet woman…

If Madden was still in the booth they’d do a big sideshow of showing the food, circling the food with his magic pen, etc. etc. I have to guess they will do the same thing because they will have a lot of room to fill as the Bears get destroyed in this game.

The other item they will talk about incessantly will be the fact that the Bears refused to do an interview with Bob Costas. So what? Who the hell wants to talk to Bob Costas? I seriously doubt anyone watching the game wants to hear what Bob Costas has to say.

Do you think Bob Costas’ wife wants to listen to him? Doubt it.

But they will talk about it. A lot, I’m guessing.

A lot of the media are taking the stance on this issue that this is a bad PR move for the Bears due to the fact it doesn’t allow the Bears to answer the statements that they are a football team going through a lot of issues.

Of course they are a bad football team going through a lot of issues. What part of answering questions to Bob Costas would change any of that? Nothing. Screw Bob Costas.

I might have to turn all of this into a drinking game. I’ll have to take a swig every time they mention any of these things:

McNabb is from Chicago
McNabb’s family (especially his mama)
Bears’ refusal to give an interview this week
Chunky Soup (his mama, again, actually)

2010 NFL Season - Week 04 Picks

Detroit at Chicago:
Chicago will win this game. They should win this game. They better win this game. Everyone is still going nuts about the Bears’ running game, and Matt Forte’s lack of yards, yards per carry, etc, etc. I’ve read comparisons of Matt Forte to Curtis Enis. Please. Stop that, right now. Some of the blame can go to Forte, but a heaping shovel full needs to be placed on the shoes of the offensive line. They’re easily one of the worst lines in football right now, but there are three new starters this season. They will gel. They should gel. They better friggin’ gel.

Cincinnati at Cleveland:
I have to take Cincinnati for this game. Brady Quinn was benched for Derek Anderson during last week’s drubbing by the Baltimore Ravens. Anderson immediately began throwing picks to cement his position as the starter for this week. I guess you’re damned if you do, and damned if you start either QB in Cleveland. The Browns only have one touchdown so far this year. One touchdown in three games. Maybe that changes on Sunday, but there won’t be enough of them to win.

Oakland at Houston:
Houston will win. I really can’t think of anything too intriguing about this game, unless maybe it’s to see how badly the Raiders can play. I’m already bored with this game, and it hasn’t even started yet. Next…

Seattle at Indianapolis:
Indianapolis should win this game at home with no real problems once the offense gets into a rhythm. That should take about 15 seconds. The Seahawks are still missing a gazillion players, and the walk-on team that played tough against the inconsistent Bears at home will get smoked on the road in Indianapolis. Jim Mora will then blame the loss on one of the assistants for serving the wrong Gatorade. He will then recant his previous statements and switch the teams preferred drink of choice to Powerade. That won’t work either, and he’ll soon replace everything with a new flavor of Snapple that will match the Seahawks’ neon green jerseys.

Tennessee at Jacksonville:
I’m picking Tennessee. At 0 – 3 to start the year, they are quite possibly out of the playoffs already. If they lose this weekend, you can pretty much guarantee that they will not make the playoffs this season. Through three games, these two teams are pretty much even stat-wise. I expect the Titans to pull off the win and keep their hopes alive.

New York Giants at Kansas City:
The Giants held kept their last opponent from gaining a first down for almost an entire game. If this kind of crap keeps up, we may be looking at a Manning on Manning Super Bowl. I can just imagine all of the stupid Oreo Cookie commercials already. I may go live in a cave if that happens. I don’t think I could take it. I’m not too sure that Kansas City will fare much better this week then Tampa Bay did last week against the Giants defense. Their leading receiver is Mark Bradley. Don’t worry. You weren’t the only person who just asked “who?”

Baltimore at New England:
I think this is going to be one of the best games of the week. The Patriots have only played the Ravens four times, and won all of them. The Ravens are lot more dangerous offensively right now then have been. Joe Flacco is playing well right now. His passer rating (yes, I know it’s kind of B.S. stat – but it’s the quickest route to TDs to INTs and passing efficiency) is 101.4 percent. Pretty damn good for anybody and especially for a QB on a team that usually only needed to score 14 points to win a game. Tom Brady is off to a rocky start this year, but that has to be expected. Meanwhile, they are still 2 – 1 going into this game (and could have won that damn Jets game). Don’t stick a fork in New England just yet, because that potato ain’t done cooking. I have no idea whether or not the Patriots will be able to put Wes Welker out on the field. They definitely need him, but who knows if he plays this week. I kind of doubt it, but am still taking the Patriots for the win.

Tampa Bay at Washington:
Next…

Buffalo at Miami:
Buffalo wins this game as the Miami Dolphins try to figure out their quarterback situation. I hate do a “Chad” joke in Florida, but… well, there it is. The Dolphins are trading in one Chad for another. Henne gets the start, with the newly acquired Tyler Thigpen (Kansas City) backing him up, and Pennington being placed on IR. The silver lining of this situation is that Miami finally gets to get a real look at Chad Henne, a second round draft pick in 2008. Henne has a stronger arm than Pennington (who doesn’t?) so he might get the ball down the field and give opposing defenses something to think about. Then again, he’s a second year player who, very possibly, could do diddley-squat. The other plus side is that the sports media will continue to needle Terrell Owens until his head pops. I don’t’ expect as big of a “controversy” this week since the Bills will win, but there will still be plenty of dumb, leading questions thrown T.O.’s way. That might be the only thing that does get thrown his way this week. Sorry about that record, T.O.

New York Jets at New Orleans:
I’m taking New Orleans to win this game over the Jets. The Ryan/Sanchez fairy tale has to end at some point. They are not going to go undefeated this season. Why not have it end in New Orleans? Lots of good intentions have died in that town. Why not this one? In addition, the Jets will likely be without two of their cornerbacks in this game, and Reevis can’t cover everybody on the field. The Jets pass rush can cause some havoc, but the Saints have one of the best lines in football right now. They should be able to make up for the increased, and confusing blitz schemes Rex Ryan will pull out of his ample behind.

Dallas at Denver:
Dallas will get the win and blow Denver’s misleading defensive statistics. The remainder of the Bronco’s schedule is much tougher, and we will see the defensive ranking begin to settle into what it actually is: a mid-level defense. I don’t think that there’s any doubt that this units is vastly improved over last season, but the worst to first scenario is going to end.

St. Louis at San Francisco:
No Frank Gore? Who cares? You have the league’s worst team coming in this week. Run Coffee up the gut until the Rams’ front four pass out. San Francisco should win this game with no real problems.

San Diego at Pittsburgh:
I expect the Steelers to get the win at home. They usually do, and having San Diego experiencing it’s own offensive woes to start the season won’t help. The Steelers have only lost three home games in the previous two seasons. I don’t see them adding a fourth to the Chargers on Sunday night.

Green Bay at Brett Favre:
I expect Brett Favre to pull another win out his Favre. With all of the pre-game hype going into this Monday night matchup, I expect a 13 -10 game with Minnesota winning round one of the Favre grudge match. I almost don’t even want to watch this game because of all of the extra Farve-iness to it. But if I do, I’m turning it into a drinking game and taking a slam every time one of the T.V. knuckleheads says “Favre.” I should have a pretty good sized hangover on Tuesday morning.

2010 NFL Season - Week 02 Results

Well, I didn’t get the picks quite as well this week (missed one more than last week), but I think there were some winners this week that nobody was really picking.

I should have stuck to my guns on Cincinnati, and went with my gut on that one but I took the Packers in the end and it cost me.

I was definitely wrong on the Arizona game. So much for my theories regarding this team and their inability to play on the East coast. I figured Jacksonville was going to be able to close down the Arizona pass game the way San Francisco did a week before. Well, to prove me wrong, all Kurt Warner did was go and set a new NFL record for completion percentages in that game. Shows what I know.

Oakland scraped a win. What else is there to say. At least they won.

I hate the New York Jets. There. I said it. I have to hand it to their pass rush (and blame the Patriot’s offensive line) because they were giving Tom Brady less than two seconds to try and get a pass off on a lot of those rushes. The Jets’ defense looks like the real deal, and the Patriots’ defense looks like exactly what it is right now: a giant band aid filled with young players that need to get it together in a hurry.

I didn’t see the Tennessee Titans dropping their first two and starting off their season 0 – 2. They had the best record in football last season and that usually doesn’t drop off that quickly. The loss of Albert Haynesworth alone can’t explain what is going on with that defense, but I have to figure that Jeff Fisher will get that figured out.

The San Francisco 49ers are playing tough so far this season. I didn’t think they would get the win against the Seahawks. Losing Matt Hasselbeck made all the difference in that game. Frank Gore running for over 200 yards probably didn’t help though.

2010 NFL Season - Week 02 Picks

Might be going out on a limb on some of these picks, but we’ll see how they turn out.

I originally picked the Cincinnati Bengals to win this game, but then had second thoughts regarding the Green Bay offense. I think the Bengals play this game close due to their underrated defense, but in the end Greg Jennings is the difference maker for another win in the final minutes.

The Arizona Cardinals were terrible on the road in the East Coast last year, and I don’t see that turning around this week. If Anquan Boldin has another lackluster performance due to injury, Jacksonville can key off on Larry Fitzgerald and keep Arizona limited.

I think Oakland looked like a pretty improved team on Monday night and will get a win against a Kansas City team that is still trying to find itself. I’m looking forward to another big day from Richard Seymour and the Oakland running game.

Sorry Rex, but I think it’s time for you to start puckering up and kiss Belichick’s rings. With the way the game ended for them last week, I think Brady is over the hump and he tries to beat Drew Brees’ touchdown count for week one and send a message to the rest of the NFL. We’ll see who gets embarrassed this week.

Speaking of Brees, I think the Saints go into Philadelphia and take one from the Eagles. No McNabb means Kevin Kolb is the starter and that means more turnovers and shorter field position for what could be the NFL’s most lethal offense. I think the Eagles defense, no matter how well it might play, will be spending a lot of time on the field and will have to cover every inch of it especially if the Saints get Pierre Thomas back and combine him with Mike Bell to cram the ball down the Eagles’ throats.

Hats off to the 49ers for getting a win last week in Arizona. Their defense was flying to the ball and Patrick Willis is easily one of the best linebackers in the game right now. I think they face a bigger challenge in Seattle this week and a resurgent Seahawks team. A healthy run game from the Seahawks behind Julius Jones is going to open the passing game for them, and San Francisco is definitely limited with their secondary due to all of the injuries.

Chicago… Chicago… Chicago… I’ve got to go with the Bears this week, because I still think this team can beat anyone on their schedule this year. It’s just up to them to do it and stop giving up last minute touchdowns to the opposing team (unfortunately, this is a Steelers’ specialty). I’m looking for Ron Turner, the Bears’ offensive coordinator, to pull his head out of his ass this weekend and put together a sensible game plan based on the success (and failures) of last week’s game against a 34 defense. This week they go against the king of the 34 in the Steelers, but one who will be without Troy Polamalu to cover the edges. That should allow Forte to get ball on some quick shots from Cutler and keep the Steelers defense moving from sideline to sideline and eventually free up Greg Olsen for some good plays in the middle of the field. Throw deep to Knox and Hester every now and then to keep the safeties honest and then run Forte up the middle and stop trying to get him to turn the corner because he doesn’t have that kind of speed. Hell, you could probably send Hester or Knox deep on every play to just to see if one of them gets single coverage on the outside and just leave that as a second or third reed for Cutler. Keep Roethlisberger in the pocket, collapsing it in towards his movement at the outside rusher to limit his “playmaking” ability. Watch the pump fake because he never throws on his first read and stay on assignment. They don’t have much of a run game to worry about so key in on the passing game. The Steelers receivers are big and physical, so play physical to begin the game. Lose the ever-present 10 yard cushion the DBs are playing with and knock Hines Ward on his ass to begin the game. Take the 15 yard penalties early and let him know he’s going to get his ass knocked down on every play even if he doesn’t have the ball. Double team Ward on third and long but keep a safety deep. Then hit Ward again when he’s drinking his Gatorade on the sideline.

Baltimore should get a win in San Diego. No Tomlinson means they will have to rely solely on Darren Sproles for a balanced attack against one of the better defenses in the league. The Ravens didn’t look too sharp against a very mediocre offense in Kansas City last week and had to rely on their offense to score a lot of points but should be able to keep San Diego’s points down. San Diego can score points in bunches but not as easily without Tomlinson to keep the focus even. Joe Flacco seems like he might have just discovered one of the best tight ends in the league. I expect him to find Todd Heap again for a lot of yards this game. Ray Rice seems to be coming into his own and should have a good game against a San Diego defense that couldn’t stop the run last week.

Dallas plays well in the beginning of the season. I see them continuing that trend with a big game against the New York Giants. Tony Romo will be rolling high for the beginning of the season and get all of that Super Bowl talk going again before folding towards the end of the season. I like the effort put in by the Giants’ new batch of wide receivers last week but look for them to falter against the Cowboys this week as the learning curve continues.