Sarcastiholic

2010 NFL Season – Divisional Round – Jets at Chargers

The final game of the Divisional Round is another game that leaves me with nobody to root for as the Jets travel to America’s Finest City and take on the Chargers.

I really hate the Jets. And, to be honest, I am not very fond of the Chargers (specifically Philip Rivers and Ladanian Tomlinson) either.

I’m kind of disappointed in this matchup but I guess that the silver lining is that at least one of these teams will lose.

The Chargers’ high-flying offense will be taking on the Jets’ numero uno pass defense with a trip to Reevis Island. This probably was not the matchup that the Chargers were hoping for. Their strength has been their passing game and the Jets’ defensive strength is against the pass.

Well, I guess that the Chargers can rely on their explosive running game to help carry the day for them. Wait… what running game?

Ladanian Tomlison is averaging 52 yards rushing per game. Overall, the Chargers have the 31st ranked rushing attack in the NFL. For those of you not paying attention, that’s the second worst in the league. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

I think it’s awesome, by the way.

Meanwhile, the Jets have the number one rushing game in the NFL and will be using it against the Chargers’ defense which ranks 20th in the league. That’s a pretty good matchup for the Jets. Thomas Jones and Shonn Greene should be able to put up some good numbers against them.

But the key to the Jets victory on offense will be whether or not Mark Sanchez can make plays down the field. The Jets should be able to control the clock against the Chargers but it will be the passing game that keeps them in a position to win.

Meanwhile, Reevis Island is ready for its next guest when Vincent Jackson steps off the boat and onto shore. If Darrelle Revis shuts down Jackson, then the bulk of the passing game will fall on Antonio Gate’s shoulders. But that might not be enough, so Malcolm Floyd will have to have a solid game.

Philip Rivers is a cocky S.O.B. though, so I expect him to challenge Revis early. I think the Chargers pull off the best game against Revis that anybody has had to date this season, although I can’t expect the numbers to be phenomenal.

I also expect Norv Turner to make some boneheaded decisions on the sidelines and put his team in a position to lose the game. And I expect Rex Ryan to somehow actually continue to gain weight while he is standing on the sidelines thus enabling him to substitute for the Charlie Brown balloon in next year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. And that will be the only parade that he goes to this year.

Chargers pull off the win in what I am guessing is going to be the lowest scoring game of the weekend.

2010 NFL Season - Week 17 Picks

The last week of the regular season of the NFL is here.

I am excited for the playoffs to start but I still hate this time of year. The holidays are over. Football is almost over, and all we have to look forward to is the long, cold remainder of winter with an occasional half-ass holiday like President’s Day thrown in until we can at least dig into OTA’s and the NFL Draft.

No more Monday Night Football. No more Thursday night games.

They’re going to stop selling Egg Nog pretty soon, too.

Somewhere, somebody’s puppy just died.

Winter blues…

Now onto the picks!

Indianapolis at Buffalo:
How much playing time do the Colts’ give their starters? Does it really matter? The Bills have no offense right now, and why should the defense give a crap?

I’ll take the Colts to squeeze a win out of the kicker.

New Orleans at Carolina:
The Panthers have been kicking the hell out of everybody the past couple of weeks, but I think the Mojo ends this week when the Saints come marching in.

The Saints have to pull it together and win this game. They need to go into their bye week with a solid win against an inferior opponent otherwise they will be sorely suited for the divisional round. There will be too many questions being asked inside the locker room otherwise.

The Panthers will be without Steve Smith, who broke his arm on a touchdown catch last week against the New York Giants. That should take a ton of pressure off of the scattered New Orleans’ secondary.

Saints win. They better win.

Jacksonville at Cleveland:
Jacksonville is the better overall team, but I’m taking the Browns to continue their win streak behind Jerome Harrison’s hot streak. This crazy guy has put up 434 yards in the past two weeks. I have to figure that they will continue on this track.

Feed him the ball. Feed him!

New England at Houston:
A doofus from the Pittsburgh Steelers is adamant that the Patriots and the Bengals are going to “lay down” to their respective opponents this week because they are afraid of the Steelers making it into the playoffs. If these teams lose, the Steelers are out of the playoffs even if they beat Miami.

I really don’t think that Pittsburgh playoff chances are any factor in any decision that Bill Belichick is going to make in this game. The Patriots really don’t have anything to really gain by playing all of their starters for the entire game this weekend, but I figure that they will play for most of the game. The same goes for Cincinnati.

These teams need to go into the first round of the playoffs on a solid note, and resting their starters for the entire game would not be the way to do it.

NY Giants at Minnesota:
I’m taking the Vikings again this week. Probably a dumb idea.

The Vikings has dropped three of their last four games. Their advantage is that the Giants are a dysfunctional team and are now out of the playoffs. They have nothing left to play for, and if they couldn’t get it together to keep themselves in the hunt of for a Wild Card slot, then I’m not sure if they do it this week.

The Vikings are currently the number three seed. They can get the second seed, and a bye week, with a win and a Philadelphia loss.

I figure they will win this game, and Brett Favre will hug it out after the game with Brad Childress.

Gross.

Pittsburgh at Miami:
The Steelers need help to make It into the Wild Card round. But they have to start by beating the Dolphins in Miami this week. They can’t control anything else.

This is not going to be an easy game for the Steelers but I think they will leave the dumb comments at home and put together a good game.

Chicago at Detroit:
Even if the Bears win this game, they will still be ending the season with a losing record. It has now been three straight years without a playoff appearance since losing the Super Bowl.

Changes will be made in Chicago this offseason. It’s hard to say exactly what though. I have a feeling that Lovie Smith will be back this year, but if the Bears lose to Detroit…

Anything can happen.

2010 NFL Season – Week 13 Picks

It’s game day again for the NFL. Well, it’s a game day. Good enough.

Tonight we have a matchup in the frosty, bitter, northern reaches of Canada. Yes, Canadian football is alive and well. Just ask the Toronto Bills, I mean the Buffalo Bills,… Sorry. Just ask the Bills how much they love our friends in the Great White North.

NY Jets at Buffalo in Canada:
Home field advantage? Not really. Unfortunately, the Jets win this game. I hate the Jets. I hate the Bills, too. I just hate the Jets more.

I just hope I’m drunk before the second chorus of “Oh, Canada”

St. Louis at Chicago:
At last! Another team that the Chicago Bears might beat.

I’m giving the Bears the nod for the win this week, but I have a terrible feeling that this game is going to be closer than many might think. The Bears can’t stop the run and that’s the only thing that the Rams can do.

Detroit at Cincinnati:
This game is like the tree falling in the forest question: If nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

The Bengals will win at home, but nobody will probably be able to see it. They are getting another extension before the game is blacked out, but unless Chad Ochocinco decides to buy all of the tickets again, I don’t think anyone sees this game.

The Bengals swept the Ravens and Steelers this year, are in clear control of the division and headed for the playoffs. And they can’t sell tickets. It must suck to live in Cincinnati.

New England at Miami:
The Patriots need somebody to kick the crap out of after getting the crap beaten out of them on Monday Night Football. Hello, Miami.

I am looking for a statement game from the Pats. They need a statement game. Brady needs to throw 17 TD’s in this game. The Belichick defense needs to put the fear of god into an offense.

New Orleans at Washington:
Trap game? The Saints are on the road after trouncing the Patriots on national TV. Washington has a pretty solid defense but do have a lot of key injuries on that side of the ball.

I’m still taking the Saints.

Dallas at NY Giants:
I expect to see the Giants try and make a late push for the playoffs. I also expect to see the Cowboys make their normal, December slide. I hate those damn Manning kids, but I hate the Cowboys more.

Go Giants.

Minnesota at Arizona:
Unfortunately, I expect the run the Vikings are on to continue to the playoffs. I have to guess that they will lose another game this season and Arizona could be the team, but they’re pretty beaten up right now.

I don’t know if Kurt Warner plays on Sunday (he did practice) or not. But he’s the difference maker in this game. Matt Leinart is not going to beat the Vikings. Kurt Warner might.

Baltimore at Green Bay:
I hate to give it to the Packers… so I won’t.

My upset of the week is Baltimore stealing one from those stupid cheese-head jerks on Monday Night Football.

I hope Ray Lewis sacks Aaron Rodgers, does a Lambeau Leap, and then urinates on the crowd while doing his stupid dance.

Am I the only person who thinks he dances like Bill Cosby?

2010 NFL Season - Week 12 Results

I must be the luckiest jerk on the planet after going 13 – 3 on my picks last week. Lightening strikes twice and I post my two best, back to back weekly picks. I should have hit Vegas. Who woulda guessed?

Truth be told, I would have done better if I had known that Ben Roethlisberger wasn’t going to play. Missed that info, and if I would have had it, I would have definitely taken the Baltimore Ravens.

I did not see the Giants falling apart like they did to the Denver Broncos, but they did.

And I definitely didn’t see the New Orleans Saints dismantling the New England Patriots in the cards. But they sure as hell did. How the mighty have fallen. Hopefully, Belichick can use this as fuel for the rest of the season. That pass rush is going to need something to get going.

2010 NFL Season - Week 09 Results

I did it again. Yet another lackluster week of picks keeps me barely above the .500 mark for the week.

Some of these games I just didn’t understand.

Obviously, I expected Chicago to play better than they did. Maybe they wouldn’t have been able to win the game, but I didn’t expect the meltdown that occurred. Maybe I should have. The possibility of Kurt Warner having back to back 5 interception games was a bit of a stretch, and that was pretty much what it would have taken for the Bears to win this game.

I fully expected Baltimore to tie the series with Cincinnati after their dominating win against the Broncos last week. It did not happen. Cedric Benson once again cut the Ravens’ defense for over 100 yards rushing. They just can’t stop that guy this year.

Green Bay. Wow. Don’t get me wrong. Any loss by Green Bay is a good game, as far as I am concerned. But they fell apart against the Bucs. Wow.

The NY Giants might be the one of the most overrated teams in the NFL right now. Everyone had them at the top of their power boards to begin the year and they have fallen apart. Eli’s injury and the lack of experience in the wide receiver position are definitely taking their toll, but the defense seems to have lost their edge as well.

And the Philadelphia Eagles got a tough loss at home to their division rivals. That was a big win for the Cowboys, and I didn’t think they would be able to do it, but their pass rush really started dominating the game in the second half. They got stronger and the Eagle’s offensive line got weaker as the game progressed. It’s supposed to be the other way around.

Bottom line, though… I suck at these picks. I’m barely at 60% on the year after going 53% for the week. I might as well flip a coin every week.