Sarcastiholic

2010 NFL Season – Divisional Round – Jets at Chargers

The final game of the Divisional Round is another game that leaves me with nobody to root for as the Jets travel to America’s Finest City and take on the Chargers.

I really hate the Jets. And, to be honest, I am not very fond of the Chargers (specifically Philip Rivers and Ladanian Tomlinson) either.

I’m kind of disappointed in this matchup but I guess that the silver lining is that at least one of these teams will lose.

The Chargers’ high-flying offense will be taking on the Jets’ numero uno pass defense with a trip to Reevis Island. This probably was not the matchup that the Chargers were hoping for. Their strength has been their passing game and the Jets’ defensive strength is against the pass.

Well, I guess that the Chargers can rely on their explosive running game to help carry the day for them. Wait… what running game?

Ladanian Tomlison is averaging 52 yards rushing per game. Overall, the Chargers have the 31st ranked rushing attack in the NFL. For those of you not paying attention, that’s the second worst in the league. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

I think it’s awesome, by the way.

Meanwhile, the Jets have the number one rushing game in the NFL and will be using it against the Chargers’ defense which ranks 20th in the league. That’s a pretty good matchup for the Jets. Thomas Jones and Shonn Greene should be able to put up some good numbers against them.

But the key to the Jets victory on offense will be whether or not Mark Sanchez can make plays down the field. The Jets should be able to control the clock against the Chargers but it will be the passing game that keeps them in a position to win.

Meanwhile, Reevis Island is ready for its next guest when Vincent Jackson steps off the boat and onto shore. If Darrelle Revis shuts down Jackson, then the bulk of the passing game will fall on Antonio Gate’s shoulders. But that might not be enough, so Malcolm Floyd will have to have a solid game.

Philip Rivers is a cocky S.O.B. though, so I expect him to challenge Revis early. I think the Chargers pull off the best game against Revis that anybody has had to date this season, although I can’t expect the numbers to be phenomenal.

I also expect Norv Turner to make some boneheaded decisions on the sidelines and put his team in a position to lose the game. And I expect Rex Ryan to somehow actually continue to gain weight while he is standing on the sidelines thus enabling him to substitute for the Charlie Brown balloon in next year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. And that will be the only parade that he goes to this year.

Chargers pull off the win in what I am guessing is going to be the lowest scoring game of the weekend.

2010 NFL Season - Week 06 Picks

There aren’t a lot of real marquee games this week, but there should still be a couple of compelling games that will make it worth watching.

Oh, who am I kidding? I would watch any of these games, but I’m kind of a junkie even if I can’t make picks worth a damn. After going 7 – 7 last week, I decided that I do need some help in making the picks this week.

So, in the spirit of other websites that do the same thing, I am bringing in someone to make my picks for me this week. Sadly enough, I believe they know more about football than I do.

I bring you, Roquefort:

Say hello to the nice people.

Not talking, eh? You wouldn’t shut up a couple of minutes ago.

Fine. Just make your picks you stupid block of cheese.

Houston at Cincinnati:
The cheese told me that I have to start believing in the Bengals, so I’m taking the Bengals. The Texans aren’t much of a threat on the road, and the Bengals have been finding ways to win. I expect Cedric Benson to cram a big pile of numbers down the Texans’ throat this week, and everybody should be able to see this game since Chad Ochocinco and Motorola bought out the remaining tickets to keep this one from being blacked out. Thanks Chad. Too bad nobody will probably be watching this game anyway.

Detroit at Green Bay:
Obviously, the Roquefort was a little biased in this game and told me to take Green Bay for the win. Duh. Even I would have guessed that, especially since it seems that Detroit WR Calvin Johnson will not be playing this week.

I asked the cheese if he was being a little biased in this decision because of all of the cheeseheads in Wisconsin. He told me that he wasn’t being provincial in his decision making. I pointed out to him that he is actually from France, and that his denial of being provincial actually makes no sense. The cheese then told me to shut up and get on with the picks. Personally, I don’t think he can even point to Wisconsin on a map. Then again, neither can most other people in this country.

Detroit is in need of another win to keep the systematic malaise from rotting out any gains the coaching and personnel changes they made have garnered, but unfortunately for them, they don’t get to play Washington again.

St. Louis at Jacksonville:
This could be the first win of the season for the Rams, but I don’t think it will happen. Jacksonville will take this win at home. This is another game that nobody will be watching. Maybe I should make the cheese watch it in the other room.

Baltimore at Minnesota:
The cheese has picked Baltimore for the upset win on the road against the Vikings. Honestly, I think Roquefort is picking the Ravens for this win mostly because of the betrayal he (and the other cheeses) feels for Brett Favre’s move to a division rival.

I told him that he can’t let his personal feelings interfere with his picks and that he should consider all of the play in this game to make an informed decision.

Roquefort told me to shut up again, and that he did take everything into consideration. He says that Ray Ray will have a big game and be the difference maker this Sunday. He’s guessing that Ray Rice will have a solid outing against the Williams Wall, and that Ray Lewis will knock Brett Favre into the dirt. Added pressure by Ray Ray on these fronts will force Farve into uncharacteristic (ahem) bad decision making and the turnovers will kill them.

NY Giants at New Orleans:
Roquefort and I went back and forth on this game. The Giants and the Saints are pretty evenly matched on both sides of the ball, with the edge defensively going to the Giants. Offensively, the Saints get the edge but it all seems to kind of even out. The Saints get a boost for being at home but the Giants are 18 – 3 on the road since 2007.

The cheese is making the picks this week though, and he likes the Saints for the win. He says that defense wins championships, but this ain’t a championship game and that the offense will carry the day.

I told him that if the Giants win this game, he will be a little bleu.

He didn’t laugh. He doesn’t like my jokes either.

Cleveland at Pittsburgh:
Even the cheese and I could agree on this one. Cleveland doesn’t stand much of a chance in this game.

Carolina at Tampa Bay:
Tough one to call since both of these teams suck. The cheese figures that Carolina adds a notch in it’s belt for this one.

Kansas City at Washington:
Roquefort feels that Washington’s streak of granting absolution to winless teams will continue this week.

I didn’t know the cheese was so religious.

Philadelphia at Oakland:
Al Davis is preaching patience for Raiders QB JaMarcus Rusell. I have a feeling that the Eagles’ secondary is going to be very patient with him, and wait for him to make a mistake. Then another. And another…

Arizona at Seattle:
Seattle is at home. Seattle has Matt Hasselbeck back. The cheese and I agree.

Tennessee at New England:
The cheese told me that Bill Belichick will have the Patriots in line for this game. They may have lost against Denver, but there is no way they lose at home to a winless team.

Roquefort expects to see some cut off sleeves on the sideline, and good game from Tom Brady against a ravaged Titans’ secondary. Randy Moss will make a catch this week on offense, instead of only a pick on defense.

Buffalo at NY Jets:
Roquefort said he that he believes in two things in this game. First, that the Jets will win. Second, that the Bills will suck.

I had to agree. There’s nothing like an easy division win after a tough division loss.

Chicago at Atlanta:
The cheese is making the pick for Chicago this week. All I had to do was hold a grater against his head in order to get the nod on this one.

Most everybody has Atlanta picked for this game, but not me and not the cheese grater. Right, Roquefort?

Yeah. That’s what I thought…

There are a lot of great matchups to watch in this game. The Bears’ run defense has not been as stout as the past couple of years, so watch to see what Michael Turner can do against the team that held him to less than 60 yards on 25 attempts last year. The run defensive hasn’t been as good as last year, but is still holding the average under 100 yards on the ground per game.

The Bears’ pass rush is improved over last year, but Matt Ryan has only been sacked twice this year. If the Bears can’t get a consistent rush using their front four, Matt Ryan could have a big day. That means that the corners and safeties have to keep Roddy White and Tony Gonzalez from running wild in the secondary. Yards after the catch will be a big component of this game. The Bears need to tackle.

The Falcons’ MLB Mike Peterson has been having a big year and will play a big part in their scheme for stopping Matt Forte from breaking off any big runs. Unfortunately for the Bears, Forte has only had one real good game so far this year. Hopefully the bye week has helped him get over any injuries he may have been masking and allowed the O-Line to gel a bit more.

The Falcons’ secondary is only giving up 228 yards passing per game, and Chicago has only been averaging 213 on offense through the air. But thanks to outstanding Special Teams play, the Bears have had great field position this season and have been able to work with a lot of short fields. The Bears are averaging 26 points per game versus 25 points for the Falcons.

I’ll take a one point win on the road against a 3 – 1 team that nobody says they can beat. Bottom line, this is an important game for two teams that are second in their divisions, and under unbeaten teams going into Week 06. This is one of those possible tie-breaker games for a Wild Card slot. It’s very possible that both of these teams could be 10 – 6 and arm wrestling for a slot in the playoffs. A win here is crucial.

Denver at San Diego:
Roquefort is telling me that the Broncos travel to San Diego and give Philip Rivers a big, black eye on Monday night. Who am I to argue?

After Denver’s win against the Patriots last week, I too am becoming a believer in the Broncos’ defense. Plus, I hate the Chargers.

They are probably going to be without LaDanian Tomlinson again, so consider the Chargers’ offense to be one dimensional. The Chargers have a couple of good receivers but that won’t matter if the Denver pass rush keeps knocking Rivers on his ass.

Oh, yeah. I also hate the Chargers. The cheese does too.

2010 NFL Season - Week 02 Picks

Might be going out on a limb on some of these picks, but we’ll see how they turn out.

I originally picked the Cincinnati Bengals to win this game, but then had second thoughts regarding the Green Bay offense. I think the Bengals play this game close due to their underrated defense, but in the end Greg Jennings is the difference maker for another win in the final minutes.

The Arizona Cardinals were terrible on the road in the East Coast last year, and I don’t see that turning around this week. If Anquan Boldin has another lackluster performance due to injury, Jacksonville can key off on Larry Fitzgerald and keep Arizona limited.

I think Oakland looked like a pretty improved team on Monday night and will get a win against a Kansas City team that is still trying to find itself. I’m looking forward to another big day from Richard Seymour and the Oakland running game.

Sorry Rex, but I think it’s time for you to start puckering up and kiss Belichick’s rings. With the way the game ended for them last week, I think Brady is over the hump and he tries to beat Drew Brees’ touchdown count for week one and send a message to the rest of the NFL. We’ll see who gets embarrassed this week.

Speaking of Brees, I think the Saints go into Philadelphia and take one from the Eagles. No McNabb means Kevin Kolb is the starter and that means more turnovers and shorter field position for what could be the NFL’s most lethal offense. I think the Eagles defense, no matter how well it might play, will be spending a lot of time on the field and will have to cover every inch of it especially if the Saints get Pierre Thomas back and combine him with Mike Bell to cram the ball down the Eagles’ throats.

Hats off to the 49ers for getting a win last week in Arizona. Their defense was flying to the ball and Patrick Willis is easily one of the best linebackers in the game right now. I think they face a bigger challenge in Seattle this week and a resurgent Seahawks team. A healthy run game from the Seahawks behind Julius Jones is going to open the passing game for them, and San Francisco is definitely limited with their secondary due to all of the injuries.

Chicago… Chicago… Chicago… I’ve got to go with the Bears this week, because I still think this team can beat anyone on their schedule this year. It’s just up to them to do it and stop giving up last minute touchdowns to the opposing team (unfortunately, this is a Steelers’ specialty). I’m looking for Ron Turner, the Bears’ offensive coordinator, to pull his head out of his ass this weekend and put together a sensible game plan based on the success (and failures) of last week’s game against a 34 defense. This week they go against the king of the 34 in the Steelers, but one who will be without Troy Polamalu to cover the edges. That should allow Forte to get ball on some quick shots from Cutler and keep the Steelers defense moving from sideline to sideline and eventually free up Greg Olsen for some good plays in the middle of the field. Throw deep to Knox and Hester every now and then to keep the safeties honest and then run Forte up the middle and stop trying to get him to turn the corner because he doesn’t have that kind of speed. Hell, you could probably send Hester or Knox deep on every play to just to see if one of them gets single coverage on the outside and just leave that as a second or third reed for Cutler. Keep Roethlisberger in the pocket, collapsing it in towards his movement at the outside rusher to limit his “playmaking” ability. Watch the pump fake because he never throws on his first read and stay on assignment. They don’t have much of a run game to worry about so key in on the passing game. The Steelers receivers are big and physical, so play physical to begin the game. Lose the ever-present 10 yard cushion the DBs are playing with and knock Hines Ward on his ass to begin the game. Take the 15 yard penalties early and let him know he’s going to get his ass knocked down on every play even if he doesn’t have the ball. Double team Ward on third and long but keep a safety deep. Then hit Ward again when he’s drinking his Gatorade on the sideline.

Baltimore should get a win in San Diego. No Tomlinson means they will have to rely solely on Darren Sproles for a balanced attack against one of the better defenses in the league. The Ravens didn’t look too sharp against a very mediocre offense in Kansas City last week and had to rely on their offense to score a lot of points but should be able to keep San Diego’s points down. San Diego can score points in bunches but not as easily without Tomlinson to keep the focus even. Joe Flacco seems like he might have just discovered one of the best tight ends in the league. I expect him to find Todd Heap again for a lot of yards this game. Ray Rice seems to be coming into his own and should have a good game against a San Diego defense that couldn’t stop the run last week.

Dallas plays well in the beginning of the season. I see them continuing that trend with a big game against the New York Giants. Tony Romo will be rolling high for the beginning of the season and get all of that Super Bowl talk going again before folding towards the end of the season. I like the effort put in by the Giants’ new batch of wide receivers last week but look for them to falter against the Cowboys this week as the learning curve continues.