Sarcastiholic

2010 NFL Season - Week 08 Picks

Game time is almost here again for the NFL. Once we get through the Halloween shenanigans, we can get back to business and back to the business of making erroneous picks in the NFL.

Denver at Baltimore:
I have to take the Broncos in this one for what may be the game of the week for a lot of people, since not everyone finds the Brett Favre return to Green Bay as the most important thing to ever happen in the NFL.

Baltimore started out hot and heavy, and has since flopped in their last few games. Meanwhile, Denver continued to be hot as they ran to their first 6 – 0 start since the heady days of the Mile High Salute.

Denver’s defense is as good as the Ravens’ used to be and Kyle Orton has been playing a practically perfect game of quarterback to help them achieve this, as his quarterback rating of 100.1 will attest to. He’s not a touchdown machine, but he’s definitely not been playing in a way that will lose the game for the Broncos.

Houston at Buffalo:
I think Houston pulls the win on the road against a good Bills’ pass defense. The defense will pose some problems for the Texans, but in the end, I don’t think Buffalo has the firepower to score enough points to take the game.

Cleveland at Chicago:
I’m taking Chicago, because I always take Chicago to win. I’m stupid that way, as last week’s debacle clearly pointed out.

This game is being considered a tune-up game for the Bears by a lot of people, but I honestly do not know how well the Bears will play this Sunday. They are making some adjustments to their offensive line and linebackers this week, but I am not sure how much difference that will really make.

Chicago will get the win at home against a much worse team, but it won’t really mean much in regards to their status as a whole. After that, the schedule gets pretty heavy and with ten games left, the Bears can only lose another three and still be in a spot to possibly contend for a Wild Card slot.

Seattle at Dallas:
In the beginning of the season, I had picked Seattle to win their division. They won’t. They won’t even win this game. Dallas will pick up another win and creep a little bit closer to the top of a crowded NFC East division.

St. Louis at Detroit:
I’m taking Detroit for the win against the Rams, but I’m not sure that the entire city won’t be burnt to the ground by game time on Sunday.

This season, it seems that the Rams are even more hapless than the Lions and are making a run at the Lions’ infamous record from last season. The Lions could help take the sting out of last years’ record by putting another zero in the win column for St. Louis this week and helping them to become the new poster boys.

San Francisco at Indianapolis:
Hmmm. I guess I’ll go with Indy in this game. The Colts are on a tear and I don’t see them losing to San Francisco this week. The Colts offense is a brutal killing machine under Peyton Manning and their pass D is pretty damn good, too. They will make Alex Smith wish they had kept Shaun Hill in as the starting QB. In fact, Shaun Hill just might go back in, which will start the 49ers’ carousel all over again.

Miami at NY Jets:
The Jets will squeek out a win against the Dolphins this week, but it won’t be easy for them. The only thing that the Jets seem good at right now is stopping the pass, but Miami isn’t a passing team. They will continue to stuff hot dogs down Mark Sanchez’s throat and get the win on a fluke play.

NY Giants at Philadelphia:
The Giants will loose in Philly mostly due to the pressure that the Eagles’ defense will throw at Eli Manning. There are a lot of quarterbacks in the NFL that excel against the blitz. Eli Manning isn’t one of them.

Jim Johnson will look down and smile at the crazy blitz packages that the Eagles will throw at the Giants, and Mama McNabb will dump a cauldron of Chunky Soup over Andy Reid’s head in celebration of the win over the Eagles’ hated rivals.

Jacksonville at Tennessee:
Oh, how the might Titans have fallen. Jacksonville will actually be able to throw TDs again since they are playing against one of the worst pass defenses in the league. The Titans will play Vince Young, who will have another episode. And Jeff Fischer may be forced to shave his moustache as motivation for a team that went 13 – 3 last year, but hasn’t won a game yet this season.

If the thought of Fischer’s naked, pale, hairless lip isn’t motivation enough to get a win at home, nothing will be.

Oakland at San Diego:
San Diego will win this game. Oakland is pretty bad football team, and the Chargers are pretty good at home.

Minnesota at Green Bay:
Yes. The game everyone at ESPN has been frothing at the mouth about since the Favre went to the Vikings is here. It was too bad for ESPN that the first meeting between these two teams was held in Minnesota. But that won’t stop them from acting like it hadn’t taken place and that this is the first “real” time that the two teams have met this year.

Minnesota took the first win, but Green Bay will get the second. Aaron Rodgers is a better quarterback than Brett Favre right now, and it will be the difference in this game. The Favre threw the ball over fifty times in their loss last week to the Steelers. I think they end up doing the same thing again this week, and it will cost them.

The Vikings’ defense isn’t as good as it used to be. They are not getting the dominant pressure from their front four as they have in the past and the loss of Darren Sharper to the New Orleans Saints is a major blow to their secondary.

Carolina at Arizona:
Arizona for the win. Carolina sucks and will continue to suck. (Now, that’s what I call deep and insightful analysis).

Atlanta at New Orleans:
New Orleans will get the win in another good matchup this week. The Saints are playing great on both sides of the ball right now, and I can’t pick them to lose this game.

I can’t see them going undefeated in the regular season, but I can see them only losing two or three games this year. But this will not be one of them.

2010 NFL Season - Week 07 Results

Well, I can’t say that I really nailed the picks this week. All of my wins this week were no-brainers.

I went out on a limb on the Washington game and got deservedly slapped for it. I do think it should be noted that the problems with the Redskins are all on the offense. The defense is a pretty solid bunch.

I jumped off a cliff last Sunday, along with all of the Bears fans and actually figured that they could beat a good football team. Wrong on that one, too. They’ll probably get a win at home against the Browns this week. Well, maybe.

I think the Carolina game was a flip of the coin, and I picked tails again. Bad move there.

Atlanta responded to an emotional win at home with a bomb on the road. They’re falling back and choking on New Orleans’ dust right now, but will still probably be in contention for a Wild Card spot this year. Then again, Atlanta has never been able to put together back to back winning seasons. This might be the year, but who knows.

As a whole, my selections have been pretty crappy. I’m barely hitting 61% on my picks so far this year. Pretty shabby record for someone only picking the winners and losers. My spread picks are even worse with me picking at about 50% so far this season.

Maybe I should take up tiddlywinks as a hobby instead. I might be better at that.

Bears Fans Are Embarrassed, And Rightly So

I have been trying to write a post about the Bears’ game against the Cincinnati Bengals for several days. Every time I begin to write a post for this site, or a comment on one of the blogs and news stories, I end up deleting it and going away with the same feeling.

It doesn’t matter.

As a fan, I have not felt this let down in years. Not even the loss in the Super Bowl to the Indianapolis Colts has left me this dejected and forlorn. The shutout in Green Bay last year didn’t leave me feeling this lost.

The loss on Sunday was the biggest failing that I have seen the Bears give in over ten years. It was a failure on offense, defense, special teams, and coaching. What made it worse is it just seemed to be a continuation to the ending of the Atlanta Falcons game and that the entire week between games had been a complete waste of time. Perhaps this is the true direction that the Chicago Bears are going to take. But we will only find out what direction the Bears are going to take based upon their performance this coming Sunday against the Cleveland Browns. Now here’s the scary part:

If the Bears win next week, we learn nothing. We will gain nothing. It does not matter if the Bears put up fifty points in the first quarter alone. It will not matter if the defense holds the Browns to a negative total in yardage, makes ten interceptions, and register twenty sacks.

It does not matter.

It will not matter because we would be beating a team that a large number of college teams would be able to beat on any given Sunday. And maybe that’s what our organization is: A good college team.

I think about that last statement for awhile. And then, I have to discard it as untrue. A good college team plays with passion and commitment every week. The Chicago Bears do not.

Any motivations that the Bears wanted or needed were available all week in the form of Cedric Benson, Chad Ochocinco, Kyle Orton, the Minnesota Vikings, any media outlet, or a mirror. In the end, the coaches have to want to coach, and the players have to want to play.

I didn’t get that feeling from any of the organization last Sunday. I didn’t see the players who are supposed to be the leaders of this team firing into their teammates. I’ve seen more passion in a game of tennis or on the greens of a golf course. And I’ve see just as much lethargy on the Bears’ sidelines.

I saw a team of coaches, trainers, and players who were there to collect a paycheck. Good for them. I hope the American Dream works out.

I believe that it should be stated very clearly, so there is no misunderstanding, that the Cincinnati Bengals are not a bad football team that put one over on an underachieving Bears’ roster. Last week’s performance by the Bears should not be considered an indictment of the Cincinnati Bengals. They did not win because the Bears played to lose. The Cincinnati Bengals came to play. They played the game.

On that note, Cedric Benson deserves every bit of credit that has been heaped upon him this season. He looks like he’s in the best shape of his life, and playing with a burst, aggression, and a desire that he never showed in Chicago. Good for him. Maybe it took losing everything that had been handed to him in order to realize what it takes to perform at a high level in the National Football League.

Maybe the same thing will happen to the Bears someday.

2010 NFL Season - Week 07 Picks

2010 NFL Season – Week 07 Picks

Another Sunday of fabulous NFL games waits, and this week, just because you’re extra special, we’re throwing in a game on Monday for FREE!

In honor of Week 07 in the NFL season, I am going to throw some extra zany picks your way. Like Indianapolis over the mighty St. Louis Rams, and the New England Patriots over the stalwart Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The rest of the picks and insightful analysis follow…

Still there? Hello?

Damn.

Here are the stupid picks:

Green Bay at Cleveland:
I don’t know what is worse in this game: The Cleveland Browns or the Cleveland Browns. I’ll take the Packers and that dynamic Aaron Rodgers for the win this week.

San Francisco at Houston:
The San Francisco 49ers came out to start the season with a bang. There’s no denying that they were as hot and bothered as I get watching re-runs of The Golden Girls. Oh, Estelle Getty, you minx, you.

Then something happened. It was like finding out Bea Arthur was actually a man and having your whole adult reality come crashing down around your ears. The 49ers lost on the road in Minnesota in Week 03 and haven’t seemed to be playing with the same urgency and fire as before. I know they decimated the St. Louis Rams 35 – 0 in Week 05, but it was the Rams. That doesn’t count. I’m taking Houston this week.

San Diego at Kansas City:
I’m guessing that the San Diego Chargers will try and get some divisional revenge on the Chiefs this week. Oh, yeah. And the Chiefs really suck. That should help the Chargers out a bit.

Indianapolis at St. Louis:
I wonder if the city changed their name to St. Lewis, if it would help at all. Probably not. I’m going out on a limb here and picking the Indianapolis Colts to win by a gazillion points this week.

New England at Tampa Bay at England:
This is the now perfunctory NFL game in the land of tea and biscuits, bangers and mash, warm beer, and bad teeth. I know the Old Englanders hate the New Englanders for that pesky little uprising a couple of hundred years ago, but I’m pretty sure that Bill Belichick doesn’t care. New England puts on the biggest ass whooping seen on the shores of England since that silly French guy rowed over there in 1066 AD. Now that I think about it, both of those guys are named Bill. Hmm.

Minnesota at Pittsburgh:
The Pittsburgh Steelers are a flawed team, but I’m taking them for the win at home against the Minnesota Vikings this week. This will be the first cold weather game for Brett Favre and I have to wonder if he will be wishing for his Snuggie by halftime.

Then again, Ben Roethlisberger could be wishing for an aspirin and a new back as the league’s most sacked QB could have a painful afternoon if Jared Allen has a big game. The Steelers’ offensive line needs to have a solid outing against one of the top 10 defensive lines.

Buffalo at Carolina:
Trent Edwards is sitting in a closet somewhere with another concussion. Without him, the Bills offense is as impotent as somebody watching The Golden Girls. It’s too bad, too because the Buffalo pass defense has been playing really well this year, and if you only give The Golden Girls a chance, you’ll see that it’s really a rather entertaining show. Really.

Carolina gets the win this week and Dick Jauron gets one step closer to sitting in his own closet for the remainder of the season.

NY Jets at Oakland:
This game has already been tagged as a blackout. Sorry Oakland fans, but you will not be seeing this game. Sorry, too, Jets fans. Sorry that you are Jets fans that is.

The Jets will get a win in this one, and Mark Sanchez might even have a decent game again. Then all of the Jets fans can start squishing in their collective underpants again, and re-anoint Sanchez as the greatest quarterback ever.

I would like to note, however, that there are a lot of sports writers that are picking the Raiders to win this game. Some of them are making a valid point that the Jets’ all blitz – all the time style could leave them open to a lot of big plays by the Raiders’ TE (who had the game winning score against the Eagles last week).

That seems to be a lot supposition, though. I’m not entirely sure that the Raiders would be able to sustain that kind of offensive production throughout the entire game.

Not that I wouldn’t enjoy another Jets defeat this week…

Did I mention, that I hate the Jets?

Chicago at Cincinnati:
Yes, of course I’m picking the Bears to win this game. I always pick the Bears to win their games. And I’m always (almost) right. Sort of.

Chad Ochocinco started smack talking on his Twitter account starting on Monday. He got the press he was looking for from it, and now hopefully Charles Tillman can give him some press coverage on Sunday and keep him from doing the River Dance or whatever spectacular end zone dance he has cooked up.

The other big item in the press about this game is that Cedric Benson has been claiming that the Bears’ blackballed him when other teams were inquiring about him after he was cut by Chicago. Cut by Chicago. Let me say that again: Cut by Chicago.

If a team cuts you, don’t you think that you will probably get a bad review from the employer that fired you? For example:

I go into work and take my pants off. I get fired. I send out my resume, listing my former employer, to other companies in an effort to get a new job. My former employer will probably tell anybody asking that I am no longer at the company because I took my pants off. Pretty simple, really.

The problem wasn’t that Cedric Benson took his pants off. The problem with Cedric Benson was that he was never wearing any to begin with. After several less than lackluster years with the Bears, compounded with case after case of off-the-field hijinks (and beer), the Chicago Bears decided to part ways with their former first round draft pick (pick #4 I might add) because he was actually of no benefit to the team.

Good for Benson for getting off his ass, getting in shape, and playing with some enthusiasm (looking for a long term contract). All the best to Cincinnati and Benson on that.

Now I hope the Chicago defensive line and linebackers knock him silly.

The Chicago offensive line is under heavy scrutiny going into this game. The Bears’ lack of a running game (and even some of Cutler’s picks) is being placed firmly on the shoulders of the offensive line in the court of public opinion. This is not just my opinion, but the media, and fans as well are calling for a change on the line. That change is not going to take place. At least not this week. The offensive line needs to play with some passion and go out and punch the Bengals in the face. The Bengals have six defensive lineman on their injury report this week, including their best pass rusher. If the O-line cant’ get something going against this team, this week, then I too will be hiding in a closet by the end of Sunday. As long as I can bring a TV and DVD of The Golden Girls with me.

Another area of concern last week was the special teams. Chicago usually has outstanding special teams play, and the key props to that have to be given to Dave Toub. The failings on special teams in the loss to the Falcons last week were on the coverage. Giving up big plays on the coverage units is just not something that this group does in the five years Toub has been the ST Coordinator.

Atlanta at Dallas:
Dallas is coming off a bye week amid rumors that Jerry Jones was going to fire Wade Phillips. Jones has come out and denied these claims, but what kind of effect can two weeks worth of questions have had on a team already struggling?

As much as I hate the Falcons right now, I’m taking them for the win this week on the road against a maligned Cowboys team.

New Orleans at Miami:
New Orleans has to go in and win this game on the road in the Wild Cat’s den. And I believe they will. The entire Saints team is playing great football right now, and I see that continuing this week as the Dolphins continue to plod their way through games with a ball control oriented offense that has left them with a 2 – 3 record.

If Scott Fujita is not playing LB for the Saints, I think they will have a much harder time containing the Dolphins running game, but I think Drew Brees will be able to keep the time of possession a little more even by staging some long drives.

The Saints are leading the league in interceptions so far, and I predict that they will be adding to their totals this week when second year starter Chad Henne is forced to fling some blindly into the air due to the new and improved Saints’ pass rush.

Arizona at NY Giants:
The Giants will win this game, if for no other reason than because of the beating they took last week in New Orleans. Arizona might be without Anquan Boldin this week, and Larry Fitzgerald hasn’t been playing like the Larry Fitzgerald of the last year’s playoff race.

Maybe he gets his game going this week against a Giants’ secondary that got steamrolled by a plethora of Saints wide receivers, but while it is well conceded that the Cardinals have a fair number of weapons on offense, they are not stacked like the Saints are. It will be much easier for the Giants to contain the Cardinals offense than it was against the Saints.

Philadelphia at Washington:
I promised a wild and crazy pick, and here it is. I’m taking the Redskins for the win against the Eagles on Monday night. I think Jim Zorn gets the win, and makes out with Chucky in the MNF booth. The following day, everyone will say what a great coach Zorn is. Then they will lose next week, and everyone will be calling for his head again.

To be fair, some of the blame for the Washington Redskins can be laid on Jim Zorn. They are doing pretty good defensively, but have not been able to generate any offense. That blame really should go to the owner, Dan Snyder.

If you hand someone a piece of crap, and then tell them to make something out of it, they can give you a model of a bird or some other figure. But at the end of the day, it is still a pile of crap.

This has been the case for the ten seasons that Dan Snyder has been the owner of the Redskins. Give him credit for not being stiff with his checkbook. He is willing to pay whatever it costs to field a winner, but maybe he should have limited his input to signing those checks and let one of the six coaches he has hired/fired in the past ten years (yes, 6 head coaches in 10 years) take the reins for awhile and, oh, maybe hire their own positional coaches, have some input into free agency and the draft…

The Redskins get the win this week, and then the merry-go-round starts back up the following week.

Then again, the Eagles could come off their humiliating loss to the Oakland Raiders, and just beat the hell out of the Redskins. I can already see the ESPN cameras constantly cutting over to focus on Dan Snyder, and already hear the annoying commentary from the booth.

2010 NFL Season - Week 06 Picks

There aren’t a lot of real marquee games this week, but there should still be a couple of compelling games that will make it worth watching.

Oh, who am I kidding? I would watch any of these games, but I’m kind of a junkie even if I can’t make picks worth a damn. After going 7 – 7 last week, I decided that I do need some help in making the picks this week.

So, in the spirit of other websites that do the same thing, I am bringing in someone to make my picks for me this week. Sadly enough, I believe they know more about football than I do.

I bring you, Roquefort:

Say hello to the nice people.

Not talking, eh? You wouldn’t shut up a couple of minutes ago.

Fine. Just make your picks you stupid block of cheese.

Houston at Cincinnati:
The cheese told me that I have to start believing in the Bengals, so I’m taking the Bengals. The Texans aren’t much of a threat on the road, and the Bengals have been finding ways to win. I expect Cedric Benson to cram a big pile of numbers down the Texans’ throat this week, and everybody should be able to see this game since Chad Ochocinco and Motorola bought out the remaining tickets to keep this one from being blacked out. Thanks Chad. Too bad nobody will probably be watching this game anyway.

Detroit at Green Bay:
Obviously, the Roquefort was a little biased in this game and told me to take Green Bay for the win. Duh. Even I would have guessed that, especially since it seems that Detroit WR Calvin Johnson will not be playing this week.

I asked the cheese if he was being a little biased in this decision because of all of the cheeseheads in Wisconsin. He told me that he wasn’t being provincial in his decision making. I pointed out to him that he is actually from France, and that his denial of being provincial actually makes no sense. The cheese then told me to shut up and get on with the picks. Personally, I don’t think he can even point to Wisconsin on a map. Then again, neither can most other people in this country.

Detroit is in need of another win to keep the systematic malaise from rotting out any gains the coaching and personnel changes they made have garnered, but unfortunately for them, they don’t get to play Washington again.

St. Louis at Jacksonville:
This could be the first win of the season for the Rams, but I don’t think it will happen. Jacksonville will take this win at home. This is another game that nobody will be watching. Maybe I should make the cheese watch it in the other room.

Baltimore at Minnesota:
The cheese has picked Baltimore for the upset win on the road against the Vikings. Honestly, I think Roquefort is picking the Ravens for this win mostly because of the betrayal he (and the other cheeses) feels for Brett Favre’s move to a division rival.

I told him that he can’t let his personal feelings interfere with his picks and that he should consider all of the play in this game to make an informed decision.

Roquefort told me to shut up again, and that he did take everything into consideration. He says that Ray Ray will have a big game and be the difference maker this Sunday. He’s guessing that Ray Rice will have a solid outing against the Williams Wall, and that Ray Lewis will knock Brett Favre into the dirt. Added pressure by Ray Ray on these fronts will force Farve into uncharacteristic (ahem) bad decision making and the turnovers will kill them.

NY Giants at New Orleans:
Roquefort and I went back and forth on this game. The Giants and the Saints are pretty evenly matched on both sides of the ball, with the edge defensively going to the Giants. Offensively, the Saints get the edge but it all seems to kind of even out. The Saints get a boost for being at home but the Giants are 18 – 3 on the road since 2007.

The cheese is making the picks this week though, and he likes the Saints for the win. He says that defense wins championships, but this ain’t a championship game and that the offense will carry the day.

I told him that if the Giants win this game, he will be a little bleu.

He didn’t laugh. He doesn’t like my jokes either.

Cleveland at Pittsburgh:
Even the cheese and I could agree on this one. Cleveland doesn’t stand much of a chance in this game.

Carolina at Tampa Bay:
Tough one to call since both of these teams suck. The cheese figures that Carolina adds a notch in it’s belt for this one.

Kansas City at Washington:
Roquefort feels that Washington’s streak of granting absolution to winless teams will continue this week.

I didn’t know the cheese was so religious.

Philadelphia at Oakland:
Al Davis is preaching patience for Raiders QB JaMarcus Rusell. I have a feeling that the Eagles’ secondary is going to be very patient with him, and wait for him to make a mistake. Then another. And another…

Arizona at Seattle:
Seattle is at home. Seattle has Matt Hasselbeck back. The cheese and I agree.

Tennessee at New England:
The cheese told me that Bill Belichick will have the Patriots in line for this game. They may have lost against Denver, but there is no way they lose at home to a winless team.

Roquefort expects to see some cut off sleeves on the sideline, and good game from Tom Brady against a ravaged Titans’ secondary. Randy Moss will make a catch this week on offense, instead of only a pick on defense.

Buffalo at NY Jets:
Roquefort said he that he believes in two things in this game. First, that the Jets will win. Second, that the Bills will suck.

I had to agree. There’s nothing like an easy division win after a tough division loss.

Chicago at Atlanta:
The cheese is making the pick for Chicago this week. All I had to do was hold a grater against his head in order to get the nod on this one.

Most everybody has Atlanta picked for this game, but not me and not the cheese grater. Right, Roquefort?

Yeah. That’s what I thought…

There are a lot of great matchups to watch in this game. The Bears’ run defense has not been as stout as the past couple of years, so watch to see what Michael Turner can do against the team that held him to less than 60 yards on 25 attempts last year. The run defensive hasn’t been as good as last year, but is still holding the average under 100 yards on the ground per game.

The Bears’ pass rush is improved over last year, but Matt Ryan has only been sacked twice this year. If the Bears can’t get a consistent rush using their front four, Matt Ryan could have a big day. That means that the corners and safeties have to keep Roddy White and Tony Gonzalez from running wild in the secondary. Yards after the catch will be a big component of this game. The Bears need to tackle.

The Falcons’ MLB Mike Peterson has been having a big year and will play a big part in their scheme for stopping Matt Forte from breaking off any big runs. Unfortunately for the Bears, Forte has only had one real good game so far this year. Hopefully the bye week has helped him get over any injuries he may have been masking and allowed the O-Line to gel a bit more.

The Falcons’ secondary is only giving up 228 yards passing per game, and Chicago has only been averaging 213 on offense through the air. But thanks to outstanding Special Teams play, the Bears have had great field position this season and have been able to work with a lot of short fields. The Bears are averaging 26 points per game versus 25 points for the Falcons.

I’ll take a one point win on the road against a 3 – 1 team that nobody says they can beat. Bottom line, this is an important game for two teams that are second in their divisions, and under unbeaten teams going into Week 06. This is one of those possible tie-breaker games for a Wild Card slot. It’s very possible that both of these teams could be 10 – 6 and arm wrestling for a slot in the playoffs. A win here is crucial.

Denver at San Diego:
Roquefort is telling me that the Broncos travel to San Diego and give Philip Rivers a big, black eye on Monday night. Who am I to argue?

After Denver’s win against the Patriots last week, I too am becoming a believer in the Broncos’ defense. Plus, I hate the Chargers.

They are probably going to be without LaDanian Tomlinson again, so consider the Chargers’ offense to be one dimensional. The Chargers have a couple of good receivers but that won’t matter if the Denver pass rush keeps knocking Rivers on his ass.

Oh, yeah. I also hate the Chargers. The cheese does too.