Sarcastiholic

Vikings Gothic

Favre Favre Favre Favre Favre Favre Favre …

It’s like a nervous tick, only not as endearing.

Ever true to his word, Brett Favre has un-retired. Again. For a second time. The Favre is a Minnesota Viking.

Why now? Why not three weeks earlier when the spotlights were all on a littel high school football field in the middle of no-where Mississippi? There are a lot of theories and rumors floating around the airwaves regarding this matter.

I am of the opinion that this was all planned by the Vikings and Little Lord Favre-loy in order to give his arm another month to heal. This way he would not have to go through a month of intense scrutiny as to the conditiono of his arm (or the rest of him) going into the meat of the pre-season schedule.

Lest anyone forget, Favre had surgery to repair a tendon in his throwing arm. That can be a pretty big deal to anyone, let alone someone who throws a ball for a living. We also later found out that Favre has a damaged rotator cuff. He decided not to have surgery on it since the recovery would keep him out for a year.

Another piece of the puzzle that fits my “this was all planned” scenario is that Favre’s BFF, Steve Mariucci, has admitted on the NFL Network that Favre has been studying the playbook the Vikings had provided him. Why would he be studying a playbook during his “retirement” instead of perusing the owner’s manual for his new John Deere?

The Favre said “this is not about revenge,” during his press conference.

Mike Ditka said that football is “all about revenge.” You have to believe that Favre wants to stick it to the Packers’ management for not loving him anymore.

NOTE: I originally wrote this article about three days ago. I have not had a chance to post it until now, and wanted to add a couple of thoughts.

Say what I will, and say what you will, about the return of Favre to the NFL (or more importantly, the manner of Favre’s return). This is a good thing for the Vikings.

The NFL is a business. By adding Favre to the roster, the Vikings have begun selling more jerseys, and more importantly, selling more tickets. Revenue is king in the NFL, and Favre is generating revenue.

Victorino Gets A Golden Shower

A Cubs’ fan at Wrigley Field dumped his beer on Phillies outfielder Shane Victorino. Why hate on the Phillies because they are doing well.

Chicago Sun-Times: Have You Seen This Beer-Throwing Cubs Fan?

Maybe the fan in question should have dumped his beer on one of the Cubs instead. Might have fired up a franchise that is currently hanging on by it’s little kitten claws for a shot at a Wild Card spot.

The Cubs are currently on another streak. Losing, that is.

The sad part was that security dragged the wrong guy away. Even sadder, Victorino still made the play.

I’d like to see Milton Bradley do that.

Is It Okay To Super Glue This Helmet?

Was it a case of life imitating art, or did this scenario play out because the staple gun malfunctioned? If the latter, this guy is one lucky bastard. Even if he does live in Wisconsin.

I had heard about this kind of scenario in the movie Reservoir Dogs, but I never really thought that it would actually happen.

Guardian UK: Philanderer suffers superglued penis

Then again, after a brief search, it appears that this behavior is more commonplace than I had imagined.

Yahoo Questions (from over a year ago): Is is illegal to superglue your husband’s penis if caught cheating?

Notice the misspelling on the question posted to the Yahoo board. Women are so adorable when they are plotting terrible vengeance upon mankind.

Michelle Obama Wants To Get The Lead Out

When the Obama’s stated that they were starting an organic vegetable garden on the ground of the White House, it became a fairly well-covered news story. It was supposed to stand as a statement that the United States was going to be changing its policies of the last eight years, and making a move towards a greener government.

Unfortunately, the garden is falling much the same way as the country, and has become a victim of the sins of its past.

The Obama garden has lost its certified (certifiable?) organic garden rating due to “highly elevated levels of lead” which the National Park Service found upon testing the soil. The garden had been planted in an area where the Clinton administration had previously fertilized using what is referred to as “sewage sludge.”

While the use of such sludge is considered fairly common, the Obama garden will be unable to achieve its desired certification of organic due to these high levels of the heavy metal.

For those that might not know, lead is a highly poisonous compound and is considered a potent neurotoxin capable of damaging the central nervous system, and causing brain disorders.

In fact, the high contents of lead in the White House grounds just may explain the brain damaged administration of the previous eight years.

I always wondered where the Clinton administration deposited all that crap that the Republican led House of Representatives heaped upon them. I could well imagine Newt Gingrich sneaking onto the White House lawn in the middle of the night, and dropping a deuce. He always had the look of a guy that would piss into somebody’s shampoo bottle.

With the official (semi) opening of the new season, here are my picks for the division winners based upon their potential as they head into camp. Of course I reserve the right to change my mind at any timed based upon injuries, criminal prosecutions, and whatever my fortune cookies at lunch tell me.

AFC NORTH
Pittsburgh Steelers

AFC SOUTH
Indianapolis Colts

AFC EAST
New England Patriots

AFC WEST
San Diego Chargers

NFC NORTH
Chicago Bears

NFC SOUTH
New Orleans Saints

NFC EAST
Philadelphia Eagles

NFC WEST
Seattle Seahawks