Sarcastiholic

corrupting America's youth, one at a time…

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Archive for May, 2009

HELP! I’m Being Molested By Craigslist!

Posted by Sarcastiholic on May 21st, 2009

Wouldnt You Check This Guys References?

Wouldn't You Check This Guy's References?

There was an article in the OC Weekly regarding the death of Donna Jou, a 19 year old woman from Santa Margarita, CA. It is being reported that someone answered her ad on Craigslist and she ended up dead. This is a tragedy. There is no denying that.

There is another tragedy at work here that a lot of people seem to be missing. It is being widely reported that Donna was killed because of Craigslist.

The article in OC Weekly ended the story with:

Speaking to the Weekly last week for a story about Craiglist killings, Jou family lawyer Gloria Allred said the case highlighted the need for greater precautions on the popularclassified ads site.

“It’s like the Wild West on Craiglist,” Allred said. “Anything can happen and does.”

Whoa! Wait a second. I’m pretty sure that Craigslist really did not have anything to do with this. This meeting could have happened through an acquaintance, a posting on a school board, or a random meeting at a coffee shop.

How is Craigslist responsible for this? What kind of controls could Craigslist implement that would have stopped this from happening? The answer is, there aren’t any. Craigslist is a tool. It can be used successfully if the people using it exercise caution and common sense. This is the same as an automobile, a chainsaw, or a fork. If used correctly, they are tools that assist in a great manner. Used incorrectly, and people get hurt.

I have an idea. What if, everyone starts taking responsibility for their own actions? Just a thought.

You wouldn’t hire a clown to entertain at your child’s birthday party without asking for references, and then checking those references would you?

Michael Vick To Air Dirty Laundry On Oprah?

Posted by Sarcastiholic on May 20th, 2009

Michael Vick On Oprah? Doesnt She Own Dogs?

Michael Vick On Oprah? Doesn't She Own Dogs?

I was watching the NFL Network and naturally the news turned to the impending release from prison of Michael Vick. They were talking about a statement that the NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, made regarding his desire for Vick to express his regrets. The discussion then turned to Oprah.

Yes, Oprah.

The idea was presented of having Michael Vick go on Oprah and seek attrition on the national stage in front of the high priestess herself.

All praise The Oprah.

The argument was that if he could go on Oprah and have her believe his sincerity, all would be fixed for Michael Vick’s return to the NFL. He would be welcomed back into the fold. He would be embraced by the bosom of America’s televangical conscience. Because if Oprah can forgive, America can forgive.

Next stop after that?

Excuse me, Mr. Davis? Oprah is on the phone. She wants to talk to you about Michael Vick becoming a Raider.

There Is A Football God

Posted by Sarcastiholic on May 18th, 2009

MNF TAKE 2 - Chucky Takes Over For Kornheiser

MNF TAKE 2 - Chucky Takes Over For Kornheiser

Kornheiser is no more. Apparently his fear of planes became too much for him to continue to travel during the football season and will be replaced by Jon Gruden. No longer will we have to listen to his annoying pandering during Monday Night Football.

USA TODAY – THE HUDDLE: Jon Gruden To Replace Tony Kornheiser On Monday Night Football

NY DAILY NEWS: Tony Kornheiser Leaves Monday Night Football Booth

ESPN: Gruden Joins Monday Night Football

I would like to think that someone with authority finally came to their senses and realized what a moron this guy was.

My prayers have finally been answered.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t the request for the Victoria’s Secret models to show up and give me a spongebath, but this is a damn close second. Okay, third. I am still holding out for world peace.

Even though I am hoping for it, that last one still cracks me up. I have better odds of the models showing up with a bottle of Mr. Bubble than that one.

Nothing Says Boring Like A Movie About People Walking On Train Tracks

Posted by Sarcastiholic on May 13th, 2009

Station Agent - Next Stop, Boredom

Station Agent - Next Stop, Boredom

I read this the other day on Yahoo:

“Peter Dinklage is reuniting with The Station Agent director Tom McCarthy for the HBO fantasy pilot Game of
Thrones, described as an epic battle for power set in a vast and violent kingdom. Dinklage will play the outcast brother of the queen.”

Great… just what we need. The guy who made “The Station Agent” to make another movie. With the same actor.

Great.

Maybe we can get Mariah Carey to re-team with her “Glitter” director to make another movie.

What If??? The Bears Had Never Traded Their Second Round Pick

Posted by Sarcastiholic on May 1st, 2009

What If The Bears Never Traded Their Second Round Pick?
What If The Bears Never Traded Their Second Round Pick?

Just for the sake of argument I will be posting some possible picks that the Bears COULD have made during the 2009 NFL Draft.

I am doing this because I am still a bit puzzled by having two of the Bears’ first three picks as defensive linemen when there is a highly anticipated need for a safety.  I understand if the picks were supposed to be based upon the best player available, but were they?

Admittedly, my ideas on this are probably pretty slanted.  I agreed with a lot of people that additions to the WR and Safety spot were very important this offseason and maybe I am not seeing the bigger picture that the paid professionals do.

Whatever.

Basically, I am coming up with a list of players that could have been picked in this round and see how they do this year.  I will then get very angry, or very happy depending upon the results.

Why am I doing this?  Because I don’t really have any other hobbies worth mentioning, and still live at home with my mother.

Shut up.

SCENARIO #1 – The Bears DO NOT trade down and USE the 49th pick during the second round:

For this scenario, I am only putting down names that “might have been” for this one pick in the second round.  I am not going to speculate as to what may have happened in later rounds for this scenario ( I will leave that to the other scenario) as it becomes very difficult to determine who might have been available at these later points in the draft due to the snowball effect of the picks.  I believe this will be easier to manage in the other scenario.

Jerry Angelo has now admitted that he traded down out of this pick because the Cleveland Browns had already selected the Bears’ target for this spot: WR Brian Robiskie.  The Bears then traded out of this round and received an additional 3rd and 5th rounder.

This means that there were not any other players that the Bears had valued as a second round pick?  Regardless of need, there wasn’t a best player available?  Kind of hard for me to believe.

Jarron Gilbert – DE

Many wonks are saying he slipped to the third round and should have been a second round pick.  We ended up getting him anyway, so do we count him?  No.  That’s just stupid.  But he was on the boards as a possible second rounder.  The Bears didn’t have him valued as a second rounder but good enough to be the fourth pick in the third round?  What’s the difference?

Max Unger – OT

Seattle traded us for our pick and selected this guy.  He’s 6’5” and 300lbs.  If he turns into a Pro Bowler, I am going to eat my dog.  That will always be the Bears’ pick from this draft.  If that happens, we have to get at least one Pro Bowler out of the two picks we ended up getting for this one just to make up for it.  Possibly two.

Mohamed Massaquoi – WR

There was a lot of talk of this guy falling to the Bears at the 49th spot.  Guess what?  He would have.  I’ve heard all the concerns regarding the dropped balls so maybe it was fine that we didn’t select him.  Mohamed went to Cleveland, apparently to split time dropping balls with Braylon Edwards.  Yes, that comment is actually as dirty as it sounds.  Who knows, though.  He could be the second coming of… someone? Anyone?

Phil Loadholt – OL

The Vikings took this guy with the 54th pick in the second round.  He’s 6’8” and 332lbs.  If this guy turns into a Pro Bowler, I’m going on a spree and eating everyone’s dog in the neighborhood.

William Moore – S

The Falcons picked this guy at #55.  He was the third safety taken this round.  The second was Mike Mitchell which the Oakland Raiders took.  That pick left everyone scratching their heads as he wasn’t really projected on anyone’s board till the fourth or fifth rounds.  I don’t know anything about William Moore except that he was available and he was a safety.

Fili Moala – DT

The Colts selected this USC player in the 56th slot.  So the Bears wanted to add depth to their defensive line, but apparently this guy didn’t rate a second round pick.  Hmm.  This is a quote from the NFL analysis of the player on their website: “His constant double-team battles led to USC’s linebackers having great success being freed to wreak havoc in the backfield.”  Sounds like the type of player that everyone is always clamoring for to free up Brian Urlacher to roam sideline to sideline.  Hmm.

Additonal defensive linemen selected in this round include:

Paul Kruger
Sen’Derrick Marks
Cody Brown

It will be interesting to see how some of these players fare this coming season.