Sarcastiholic

Google Wins Mulligan Award - Steps In Pooh

Google News has to be the clear winner today in the race for the coveted Mulligan Award.  Somebody must have had a good chuckle at this headline summary when they were posting it onto the Google page.

Reading Pooh? I have heard of people reading tea leaves before but never this. New Age philosophy has gone too far. No wonder the guy died. Do you have any idea how many germs there are in a pile of that stuff?

Chicago Bears Draft Aquaman

It’s been a couple of days since the NFL Draft and I’ve had a bit of time to digest the Bears’ draft.  At least enough time for an initial review of the first pick.  I’ll be posting my thoughts regarding the remaining picks bit by bit because I think I need to drag this out for awhile.  There really isn’t going to be too much to go over until camp begins.

That’s when the real fun begins.  All of the players hit training camp and the position battles begin.  But until then…

Chicago’s first pick didn’t come until the second day.  I first heard that Jerry Angelo was reporting that safety Mike Mitchell whom they wanted for that pick got nabbed by the Raiders.  I later heard that the pick they had targeted was the WR Brian Robiskie who was picked up even earlier in the round. The Bears supposedly then contacted Arizona but were turned down by the Cardinals for their second round pick as part of a trade deal for Anquan Boldin. At that point Angelo decided to trade down and picked up an additional third and fifth round pick. 

I’m really not sure what to believe at this point because the reports were all over the place.  I know what Angelo is saying now but he could be Monday Morning Quarterbacking on this and giving the spin he feels everyone wants to hear.

I have to admit that at the time I was pretty steamed when the Bears’ traded down.  I had been waiting all day for that pick.  There were still a couple of good safeties available at the time and had been convinced they were going in that direction.

Day two started and once again I felt pretty shocked.  But this time it was due to the Bears taking a DL with their first pick of the day (and first pick of the draft) by selecting Jarron Gilbert.  I knew Angelo was a junkie for defensive linemen but I really couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

The biggest news regarding this player (who only has one year of experience as a DL) was his enormously popular YouTube video showing him jumping out of a pool:

YouTube: Jarron Gilbert Jumps Out Of Pool

Impressive? Yes.  Now we just need to convince the NFL to make a change in the rules and allow Gilbert to play on the line while standing in a kiddie pool.

I have dubbed him Aquaman, for obvious reasons, but so far I have not had a lot of success in convincing others that this should be his nickname.  If he turns out to be good player I will have to get a custom jersey with Aquaman on it.

Time will tell if Gilbert was worth the pick or not.  It had been pointed out to me that he was at the top of a couple of boards as the best player still available at the beginning of day two.  Supposedly Mel Kiper Jr. had him marked as such (for whatever that is worth) and maybe he was.

Another video showed him plowing through linemen. Seems like Aquaman has pretty good speed and strength (of course the guys Jarron is playing against could suck or be blowing it for his tape – I will have to see if I can find video of the other players and see if they are plastering Jarron for their tapes).

YouTube: Jarron Gilbert Draft Video

Currently the Bears are considering using him as a DT with the possibility of moving him outside as a pass rusher.  We’ll have to see what Rod Marinelli can do with him once camp begins.

After a bit of time to digest the pick, I’m not completely out of favor with it.  It’s never a bad idea to get depth in any position.  Especially a position that has been more than a little lackluster the past two seasons due to injuries and perhaps even ambivalence since the coaching shakeup and dismissal of Ron Rivera.  If he was the best player on the Bears’ board at the time, it makes complete sense and I believe in that philosophy.  We’ll just have to see how this pick works out and judge (perhaps too harshly) on the players that might have been with the pick in the second round or in that particular spot.

Fascist Sharks Will Make Your Picks For You

Thanks to Deadspin.com for finally pointing out to me what has been wrong with all of the previous NFL drafts that I’ve watched over the years. Why didn’t I think of a shark? Or that guy from the Iron Chef?

Chances are you’ve probably already read the Deadspin article. Even if you have, read it again:

Deadspin.com: Crack The Fking Skye

My favorite idea is having the top prospects sit on the stage until they’re picked. Or they pick their nose. Just think of the catchphrases that Chris Berman could blab when that happens. It reminds of a couple of years ago, when golden boy Brady Quinn wasn’t getting selected as high as everyone had previously thought. He was then moved to an undisclosed location away from the cameras so he wouldn’t have a nervous breakdown in front of everyone.

I don’t know why I love the Fascist Shark so much. I’ve probably just been sniffing too much White Out at the office. Deadspin should bring back the shark at regular intervals to dispense advice on love, family, and the best way to get your favorite team from using the Prevent defensive formation.

Can Thought Exist In A Vacuum?

Saw this on another site and it just seemed to say “.. and the collective intelligence quotient of the room seemed to disintegrate into a vacuum with such speed that a small wormhole was formed in the place where the craft services table used to reside.”

Nobody has seen the small bowl of M&Ms since.

Original PIC Posting:

Twitpic Of The Day: Ashton Kutcher and Diddy

This picture reminds me of the exact opposite of the how the U.S. Government put their assorted geniuses (most of which never worked in government service before – I am aware of the oxymoron) together to form the Manhattan Project.