Sarcastiholic

Bynum Shows Fitness Routine

Kevin Garnett will sit out at least three more games according to Celtics coach Doc Rivers. This stretch could easily extend to the playoffs.

Garnett could take a page out of Andrew Bynum’s “36-24-36 Ways To A Better Body” fitness book that he has been writing while rehabbing his own knee injury. The Los Angeles Laker center has been spotted at a shindig at the Playboy Mansion showing legendary feats of strength and endurance by squatting Playmates in between breaks for Jell-O shots.

Boston Herald – Doc Rivers: Kevin Garnett still not right

DeadSpin.com – It Looks Like Andrew Bynum’s Knee Is Just Fine

That definitely beats staring at that fat, sweaty guy on the Stairmaster in front of you.

Peter King says he’ll never live in Los Angeles.

Thank you, Mr. King. Everyone in Los Angeles appreciates that. Could you help us out even further by agreeing not to visit?

KissingSuzyKolber.com just ran a great dissection piece on King:

www.KissingSuzyKolber.com – Peter King’s Kid Can’t Drive For S–t

It’s pretty unbelievable that this guy makes his living (and a well paid one at that) by writing about sports without writing about sports. Where’s the quality control?

I guess it just goes to show that the only people who get subscriptions to Sports Illustrated are doing so for the Swimsuit Issue or the football phone. I’m pretty sure there are some good sportswriters out there that could do a much better job than King. It’s a pity that they aren’t being hired.

By the way… This year’s Swimsuit Issue – Awesome.

Reggie Bush Shows His Love For New Orleans

Reggie Bush wants to show his love for New Orleans. In a press release, Reggie Bush continued to show his focus to the New Orleans Saints by nominating his significant other’s significant backside as the official spokesperson for the city and parish of New Orleans.

“This is a great opportunity for the city of New Orleans to embrace the new face of the city,” humbly stated Reggie Bush. Mr. Bush also unveiled his plan to change the city’s famous slogan from “Laissez Le Bon Temps Roulez” to “Live Large.”

“I was also thinking that ‘Go Big’ would be a good one,” added Bush.

Despite city official’s agreement that Kardashian’s posterior would capably serve as an alternative emergency shelter to the Superdome, some remain skeptical. “There’s no doubt that it could handle the same capacity, or even has,” responded Michel Lacroix, spokesperson for the New Orleans Dept. of Tourism, “but we’re undecided whether Mr. Bush’s proposal is the direction the city wishes to go in at this point.”

Yet the idea of Ms Kardahian’s posterior remains intriguing to some city officials. There has already been some speculation that it has rivaled the Superdome in attendance, and surpassed it in photographic and video usage.

In an effort to quickly wrap up the continuing feud between himself and his Pro Bowl quarterback Jay Cutler, Josh McDaniels agreed to go on The Dr. Phil Show.

Excerpt from the show:

		Jay, why do feel that you’ve been mistreated?
		Jay wasn’t mistreated, Dr. Phil. That’s a misnomer. Everyone is treated just the same.
		I was talking to Jay just now, Josh. Jay?
		(Sniff, sniff) I don’t understand how they could treat me this way. I’m the second coming of John Elway. I was even going to open a used car lot in Arvada.
		You’re a player on this team, not a god, Jay. There will be no second coming of John Elway. That’s just sacrilegious.
		I’m totally like Elway. I’m like Elway… with a side of… Elway. Only without the teeth…
		.. and the Super Bowl rings, let alone the playoff appearances.
		Oh, SNAP!
		Josh, how have Jay’s allegations of double dealing and lying made you feel? Has it hurt?
		Of course it hurts. I was just trying to do what I thought was best for the team by listening to the options out there. I didn’t move on this trade, just like I didn’t move on the trade offer for Champ Bailey.
		There was a trade offer for Champ Bailey that you entertained?
		Oops.
		I’m telling.
		Nobody likes a tattle, Jay. Put your pants back on.

Armageddon In Afghanistan

In an effort to continue the fight on terrorism in Afghanistan, President Obama unveiled his plan to stage an open air concert series featuring Cher along the Afghan-Pakistani border. Promoted under the guise of the cultural exchange program, the news was met with immediate cries of horror across the region.

Syed Mumtaz Alam Gillani, Minsiter of Human Rights in Pakistan, shared his utter shock and remorse at the news of the impending invasion. “We are a culture of great nobility and compassion. The decision of the United States to so oppress the dignity of the Pakistini people can only be marked as decidedly sad and tearful.”

Dubbed, “Shocked And Awful” by the Al-Jazeera media organization, they have quickly joined Amnesty International’s move to have to the concert series dubbed illegal under the Geneva War Convention . Citing the use of Cher as “inhumane” and “overtly cruel” to the “already impoverished and desperate people” of the war torn area, they have petitioned for an immediate referendum to denounce the new United States policy in the United Nations.

Members of the United States Armed Forces are hoping to be out of the region by the time the concert series begins. Sgt. Joseph Williams, United States Army Corp of Engineers, stated, “We all remember what she did to the Navy in the Eighties. Anybody who has seen that video can’t forget it. That’s why I joined the Army instead of the Navy.”