Sarcastiholic

U.S. Military Now Working On The Holy Hand Grenade

I just came across this rather interesting article about how a major supplier for the United States military is inscribing references to passages from the New Testament on their rifle sights.

Yahoo! News: Michigan Defense Contractor Has God In Its Sights

Apparently a lot of scopes that are being outfitted to Iraq and Afghanistan contain these references at the end of the stock numbers.

And while this could be determined as an infraction of the separation of church and state as mandated by the United States Constitution, I guess it was only a matter of time before something like this came to light. For years, members of the armed forces would write their own messages on bombs that were being sent against the country’s enemies. It appears that the manufacturers are merely following suit.

I wonder if the British use a similar system for their munitions but with Shakespeare…

Think of the fun they could have:

“A hit, a very palpable hit” – Hamlet

“I must be cruel, only to be kind” – Hamlet

“Cowards die many times…” – Julius Ceasar

“Cry “Havoc” and let slip the dogs of war” – Julius Ceasar

Jolly good, show.

Is It Okay To Super Glue This Helmet?

Was it a case of life imitating art, or did this scenario play out because the staple gun malfunctioned? If the latter, this guy is one lucky bastard. Even if he does live in Wisconsin.

I had heard about this kind of scenario in the movie Reservoir Dogs, but I never really thought that it would actually happen.

Guardian UK: Philanderer suffers superglued penis

Then again, after a brief search, it appears that this behavior is more commonplace than I had imagined.

Yahoo Questions (from over a year ago): Is is illegal to superglue your husband’s penis if caught cheating?

Notice the misspelling on the question posted to the Yahoo board. Women are so adorable when they are plotting terrible vengeance upon mankind.

Michelle Obama Wants To Get The Lead Out

When the Obama’s stated that they were starting an organic vegetable garden on the ground of the White House, it became a fairly well-covered news story. It was supposed to stand as a statement that the United States was going to be changing its policies of the last eight years, and making a move towards a greener government.

Unfortunately, the garden is falling much the same way as the country, and has become a victim of the sins of its past.

The Obama garden has lost its certified (certifiable?) organic garden rating due to “highly elevated levels of lead” which the National Park Service found upon testing the soil. The garden had been planted in an area where the Clinton administration had previously fertilized using what is referred to as “sewage sludge.”

While the use of such sludge is considered fairly common, the Obama garden will be unable to achieve its desired certification of organic due to these high levels of the heavy metal.

For those that might not know, lead is a highly poisonous compound and is considered a potent neurotoxin capable of damaging the central nervous system, and causing brain disorders.

In fact, the high contents of lead in the White House grounds just may explain the brain damaged administration of the previous eight years.

I always wondered where the Clinton administration deposited all that crap that the Republican led House of Representatives heaped upon them. I could well imagine Newt Gingrich sneaking onto the White House lawn in the middle of the night, and dropping a deuce. He always had the look of a guy that would piss into somebody’s shampoo bottle.

Behold! The New Face Of Evil!

To Protect And Serve took on a new meaning for a couple of New Jersey’s finest:

Yahoo News: Groundhog Pepper Sprayed

As the groundhog loomed ever closer to the fallen police officer, it was an obvious choice for his partner. Kill or be killed.

They took that bitch down.

New Sticker For New iPhones?

I opened the news this morning to find out that there is a new prototype for the iPhone in development. That makes sense, I thought. They just released their latest version not too long ago, but it makes perfect sense that a newer model is already in development for either next year or the year after that.

But this model must be totally awesome.

Business Week is reporting that an employee of Foxconn, the majority manufacturer for the iPhone, killed himself over a missing prototype of the latest handheld device.

Business Week: Employee Kills Himself Over Missing iPhone Prototype

Wow. Talk about separation anxiety.

That, or these people at Foxconn take their work very seriously. Usually, when I screw up at work, I just try to hide it or blame one of the interns, sunspots, or my dog. I’ve lost a couple of items over the years. Work related and other personal items will often go missing. But to kill yourself over something like this?

There’s mention in the article that Foxconn might have used physical and/or drastic methods in dealing with the employee held responsible for the missing prototype. Sounds like a stereotypical scene in a movie about Asian business culture where ritualistic suicide is the only answer to poor performance.

Speaking of poor performance, it is also quoted in the article that Foxconn Commercial Chief Li Jinming admitted “the inadequacies of Foxconn internal management.”

Was that due to their poor handling of the situation or another stereotypical statement regarding the Asian nether-regions? Maybe they should talk to Smiling Bob:

www.Enzyte.com

I’m just sayin’.